Gemmill

One of them saying "Newcastle have no leverage". Mate, we've got ALL OF IT.

His gardening leave is close to two years. Joelinton must be livid he's not gonna get to negotiate his contract with this fucking dope.

If there's any truth in the patter that he's annoyed by the FFP restrictions.... Well those are the rules mate. That's the framework you have to operate in. You're not playing fucking FM24. If you can't operate within those parameters, find a different career.

Sold!

£10m and he doesn't start til after the summer window, and you've got yourself a deal. Off you fuck, Daniel.

Being a Man United fan must be like living in The Bubble. If you can't be arsed to watch the above, Tina Fey starts going out with Jon Hamm and this bloke lives a life where EVERYTHING goes his way cos he's so handsome. But he has no fucking clue just how much the world is bending over backwards to please him. She tries to wake him up to The Bubble but he just can't see it. You see their fans on social media and they genuinely think that they suffer just like fans of every other club, and that refs hate them and stuff. Doesn't matter how much insane shit happens in matches, they just cannot wake up to it.

On the plus side, Luton were all over them in the last 25 and ended up with about 60% possession for the half, so they're still in with a shout. Although I wouldn't be remotely surprised to see these dicks go 3-1 up early in the second half either. They've subbed Casemiro at half time anyway so that's nice for them. They're showing all of his fouls now. Took three yellow card incidents for him to get the first and then they ignored the fourth.

Someone can correct me if I missed it, but I think they've just done the half time analysis without mentioning the Casemiro incident. 👍

When you've got Red Neville saying he's "a vereh luckeh boy!", you know it was stonewall.

I mean there's already far too many of us, but aye congratulations I suppose.

You could tell by the ref's face that he knew he was bottling it.

That's a second yellow for Casemiro. Except OBVIOUSLY it isn't. Unfuckingbelievable man.

2 nil now. Just fuck off back to the Championship Luton.

My take: I don't think there's any way we're recruiting anyone without the Board, including Al Rummaz giving them a very thorough once-over, and running a proper recruitment process. These lads are probably going to Sunderland.

Are Ashman and Ashworth the same person in this theory, granddad?

4,000 dear. Maybe 40,000 in Australian money.

Outcome of 4,000 simulations of the remaining games. Some interesting stuff in the graphics - we have, on average, the easiest run-in of anyone in the division. But we've got a less than 2% chance of finishing top 4. There's a James Lawrence Alcott video on YouTube that zeroes in on some of the outlier sims (Villa winning the league on GD over Liverpool, Man City and Liverpool both finishing outside of the top 4, Sheff United finishing 14th etc).

Chinese burn. Out for the season.

Great prank Fabian. You got us!

I think we might be there. Whatever the net benefit is of him covering at CB, it's unlikely that it would offset the number of goals conceded recently and the fact that more and more teams are going to target him. It's not like Tino wouldn't be able to step in and cover at CB. He wouldn't be as imposing a figure, but he's mobile and he's quick as fuck. I should add, I still think Dubravka was more at fault for the goal today, so I'm not laying the blame all with Burn at all.

I reckon you could easily offload Wilson to a newly promoted team. He's quality if you have him in a squad with two other strikers.