Gemmill

CT sprawled across the top of a grand piano butchering Makin' Whoopee.

Be fucking hilarious if it's real. He'll find out exactly what "embarrassing" and "disgrace" mean.

I'd fucking love to see him on that. I find the SAS lads weird as fuck to say the least, but it would great to see Barton get to the bit where the wife just screams insults in your face and completely belittles you. Fucking hell I sound like I'm about to have a wank about it.

I did it while on a work call, so you can stick your 7/10 right up your kazoo!

Do you want the original spreadsheet, you lazy cunt?

This thing is amazing. A full chapter dedicated to his time spent in Doha being mentored by Richard Keys and Andy Gray, and he's currently tackling the #metoo movement and his part in it.

I suggested last night that one of the "catastrophe queens" start the next thread, and Meenzer misread my post.

Put this together cos I wanted to see if there was any mitigation for our away form. Not sure it's been a worthwhile exercise but there's a couple of things. The last column is the days between matches - so if we have a match on the 1st and another on the 4th, days between is 2. Average number of days leading up to a home games is 5.3 vs 3.1 leading up to away games. So a 42% reduction in preparation time for away games vs home games - note: this is quite heavily skewed by international breaks which have all fallen before home games. We did get unfortunate in that 4 of our games immediately following CL games were Away games - we got 5 points from the 4, one of which was the demolition of Sheffield United. From the two home games that followed CL games, we took 6 points. Rest days (if you can call them that) do seem to matter though. The average number of days leading up to a win is 5.4, whilst the games that we are drawing (2.3) and losing (3.6) have a much lower number of days post the previous match. That's it. Maybe some mitigation?

Back to full strength, we're gonna start knacking teams btw. We were a minute away from winning at Chelsea for the first time in forever, and we were probably just a Joelinton away from a comfortable win. Similarly, a minute away from a win in Paris with just a first 11. If we can get even half of those currently absent back to full fitness, we're gonna start demolishing teams. Barnes, Willock, Joelinton, Isak, Schar back in contention and we're a completely different prospect. Home and away. Add Tonali plus more signings next season and we're going STRATOSPHERIC!

The Reclaim Party's sole MP has just resigned from the party. Andrew Bridgen wants to focus on his antivax campaigning.

Disappointed to hear that Bridget thinks guinea pigs deserve more rights than humans re assisted dying.

I also think it's mental to have ANY expectations that we could just go and win the Europa League after over 20 years outside of any European competition. You can't claim you don't have an expectation problem and then in the next breath say you think we could have just won the Europa League, just like that, first time in the tournament in over 20 years, with a squad that you scratch the surface of it and you're bringing Matt Ritchie on to try and win/see out games.

Listen, a genuine robot wouldn't react to this and call you an emo crybaby fanny, you emo crybaby fanny.

27 games left between now and the end of the season, including all rounds of the FA Cup. That's a schedule this squad can cope with and thrive and then we go again in the transfer market in the summer. I reckon par performance for this squad is probably 7th or 8th. We've got (ranging from) little to no right to expect this squad to finish ahead of: Man City Arsenal Liverpool Villa Spurs Man United/Chelsea To be clear I'm talking about squads here and I'm including Man United. /Chelsea as a joint one cos SQUAD WISE, at least one of them should expect to finish above us. I'm including Villa cos 2 years ago when Howe took over, Villa was already a professionally run club with an actual strategy in the transfer market. It's now gone on to strengthen from that already relatively strong position and appointed a very good manager. The fact that we're able to even dream of finishing above them with our squad is down to incredible coaching and a great set of lads that are fully bought in to the vision. But that'll change with each passing transfer window as we gain ground and eventually go past these teams. Hopefully trophies come too, but this team at the minute is a victim of its own premature success. You can see it on here - expectations have been raised prematurely, and the reaction to not having them met has been.... a bit weird/hysterical to me.

Can't work out if this is nice or incredibly patronising. On balance I think he's probably being a good lad (better than some of the cunts on here at 10pm last night anyway 😝).

Get the next match thread started man, you fucking DIVA.

I'm going to bed. Clean up this period juice by the morning please. And can one of you catastrophe queens get the next match thread started.

I know, but what preceded that? Near perfection. He's been other worldly and a massive part of all the mint times and results since the takeover. I think we can cut the bloke some slack and not be calling his marriage and his time at NUFC over for a couple of mistakes. The speed with which people have turned on him is genuinely weird.

Jesus Christ some of the patter on this page. It's Arsenal TV. Blokes that couldn't run a 5k asking just how fatigued can these lads REALLY be?! One of our best players since the takeover needs dropped and is probably leaving in the summer cos he's made a few mistakes during a pressurised period. Christ.

It was just a mistake. No one is infallible. He just keeps getting the maximum punishment for this rate run of mistakes. I don't know why everyone is desperate to look for extra reasons.

If Chelsea get Boro in the next round, it doesn't mean we would have got Boro. Can we just clear that up right here and now? That's not how the time space continuum works.

It's all working out. Now we can concentrate on the league.