Gemmill

Spurs can't defend though. Ange's answer to that was to buy a fast bloke, only to discover that, per Rio Ferdinand, he's actually TOO FAST for his own feet.

We'd be trouncing all-comers in the Conference League. I expect Man United to get humbled by their neighbours in the FA Cup Final though.

Posted mine and the wife's local election postal votes this morning. I never normally bother with local elections, so hopefully there's people like me all over the country voting just purely out of spite and to make things extra uncomfortable for Sunak next Friday. I know results locally are Labour whatever happens, but I'm doing my bit for turnout. Others elsewhere can do their bit to boot Tories out.

Booked the day off today. Entirely coincidental.

I think he's been found out. You can play that high line in the SPL because of the relative quality of Celtic vs the rest of the league. You just can't do it in a stronger league - even Man City would lose too many games to win the league if he tried it with their squad. Looked mint when he first turned up, and he was a breath of fresh air in terms of interviews etc. But I think they're in for a much tougher season next time out. Which is great news for us.

The article claims that £2m is what we paid Brighton, and that the £4m reported at the time was wrong. Either way, the position is clear. If you want him early Jim, you pay what we want, not what you think.

They're offering £2m. We want £15m plus £5m in add-ons. Ratcliffe and Staveley have met personally to continue negotiations, which I'm sure went great.

Toonpack clicking into the middle of a pun run is like a kid running into Santa's grotto.

Arne Slot the frontrunner for the Liverpool job apparently. Fucking PLEASE let this cunt be another Ten Hag.

Tell me he's not thick as fuck btw. When Micah Richards is getting frustrated trying to explain something to you, you're at rock bottom.

What's the word on their dumps? The cats, not the kids.

There seems to be a canny bit of disillusionment with Postecoglou. I'm not surprised mind, his team has one comically risky way to play, and if it doesn't work and they get pumped, he thinks it's perfectly OK to just go "Aw look mate, we gave it a crack." And then put them out the exact same way for the next game.

I know this is tired old tropes, but my dog's shit turns white if it's left out for 24 hours, so white dog shit is still alive and well. My theory is that the quality of dog food was better in the old days. He eats raw meat patties with sweet potato and pumpkin seeds in them - he genuinely has better teas than me some day - and I reckon that's giving him high quality 80s dumps.

Keep them coming, slapheads!

Made a load of baldies have to make jokes about hair. It's killing them but they can't resist.

Aye but I used to be in the office two days a week, so we set it up then and he still goes. He fucking loves it, sleeps in their house for a bit and then gets taken to a closed field twice a day for an hour where he runs around like a lunatic with 8 to 10 other dogs. Comes home destroyed and we don't hear anything from him all night. Anyway back to your shitty puns!

@Dr Gloom He could not have been clearer that this clip isn't for you (ignore the Palestinian bit). Sharing for everyone else.

he's at doggy day care today, you must have seen George Clooney.

"worked as a statistician for Opta" Oh dear! Gonna ruffle some feathers amongst Toontastic's old guard, this one.

I don't see him winning more trophies at Arsenal than he'll win here over the next few seasons. Another season without trophies and they'll be looking to replace Arteta too, probably.

If they hit the £100m release, it'll be over to Bruno. I really hope he stays, but the £100m will soften the blow a bit. Not if he goes on the last day mind, then our season would be fucked.

When I was a kid, my mam's mate had a Capri with pink fluffy interior and the Dukes of Hazard horn. She would turn up at our house blasting this thing, I thought it was fucking great at the time. I'm now wondering if I was a charver.

Here you go arseholes, ruin the rest of your day with a pun run. "If they want the shampoo man, I'm not gonna get into a lather about it." Anyone with any sense, give it about 3 days before you come back to this thread....