Gemmill

I just can't imagine these Italian youths looking all that menacing. I picture them all standing wide-eyed, hands on hips, in tight T-shirts, like in Beverley Hills Cop when Eddie Murphy pretends he's gay, except speaking like Serge. "Oh you Eengleesh, you are in so much trouble now. Mm-hm."

I hope he starts on Saturday or else we're back to square one with him again. But I'm still totally unconvinced by him.

Remember that though. When your mam would dry your hair as a kid with a towel and yer fucker she would nearly rub the lot off. I wouldn't be surprised at all if some lad's nipple was a casualty of overly-vigorous motherly towel-drying.

I can just picture you giving them the throat-cutting gesture. "I keeeeeell yooooooo."

Milner did well. He's right footed isn't he? Which makes that a hell of a cross with his left. I know people are wetting themselves about Luque, and I don't want to have a go at him unnecessarily, because he scored, but apart from the goal he was pretty poor. Can anyone argue with that? I know Wullie's over on NO saying how many times has Owen been poor and scored and that's all that's mattered, but there's a world of difference between Owen and Luque tbh.

Spot on.

Now that he's signed his contract, if we're gonna sell him we should be taking the piss with any transfer fee. Double £5m for starters.

No, there was none to be had. I love how Luque's fan boys are clinging on to last night's goal for dear life. "SEE? He IS the best!" YES THAT'S RIGHT, YOU ARE NOW A LUQUE FAN BOY.

Have you been shaving your chest like, you Chippendale wannabe.

Yeah, Dave, it should be "clear as a mountain spring" more often than not if you're keeping yourself suitably hydrated. If it's anywhere near brown, you definitely need to be drinking more water.

I had a chicken borga. Taking me lunches in to work at the minute as well. Boring salads every day.

You guys are SO FUNNY!!!

Craig Moore sounds EXACTLY like Jimbo.

Simple. Should get a good loan deal out of this. Unbeleeeeable.

Quality. Got a touch of the Dutch arrogance an'all. How the fuck do we keep him in the reserves now though? He's gonna want to be playing before too long.

"Unbeleeeeeable"

Well yer bugger. I didn't expect that at all.

The poor fucker's not gonna get a chance to get on.

Andy Carroll getting on for a couple of minutes.

Moore's fucked.

Hope we keep the clean sheet here for Krul's sake. Looks to be growing in confidence with each save. Gonna be a long 20 minutes or so.

Jesus Christ, mong boy has scored.

We can't get beaten off a team in pink ffs.

Ahhh, so you're trying to get a shag. That makes more sense now. You tried the comedy angle with Lou and that failed, so now it's Shakespeare. Good luck with it. Where's she gone btw? I think he might have done something to her tbh. It seems to have scared her off though, so it's not all bad.

Ahhh, so you're trying to get a shag. That makes more sense now. You tried the comedy angle with Lou and that failed, so now it's Shakespeare. Good luck with it.