Gemmill

I think I was probably on speaker and her and all the lasses were mad flicking their beans with their legs in the air. Seems more likely to me.

I've spoken to them and they're gonna refund the difference. I went on the phone thinking I was gonna demand some compensation, but in the event it was a young lass, dead polite and meek sounding, and I just couldn't bring myself to be a knob about it.

I've got to ring my dickhead energy provider again today. I'm not someone who rings up and complains about shit, mostly cos I can't be arsed, but basically: - Installed smart meters that don't work - during installation, the engineer submitted an erroneous final reading, which meant they charged me £840 for 5 weeks of gas - account went big in debt as a result, so they decided to unilaterally change my direct debit even though the charge was in dispute - I rang them the day they informed me of the DD change and the girl on the phone said she'd changed it back to the previous amount - notification from my bank this morning telling me that the bigger amount is leaving my bank tomorrow So a string of fuckups on their part, and I'm the one left out of pocket at the end of it. Second complaint in two days incoming.

There'll be a late push to include Pickle Ball.

Flag Football and "obstacle racing" to look forward to next time. Americans insisting on something for the dad-bros and the soccer moms.

The only one of those teams Andrew listed that I'm worried might finish above us is Villa. But who fucking cares what these journalists think. Or at least what they say, I'm not even convinced it's what they actually think. A good part of the reason why they say this stuff is to get clicks and social media reaction, and they know they'll get it from us. Journalists talking us down is way preferable to journalists talking us up.

You need to get up in their grill and tell them what's what. Turn that jock accent up to 11 and grab them by the throat so your frilly cuffs are tickling their earlobes and tell them fucking what's what. Do it this weekend before the rot sets in.

Did mine a couple of days ago. I never bothered with NUFC twitter anyway, but Musk has completely broken it now. The funny thing is that he appears to be being sent loopy by his own algorithm.

I'm waiting for someone to mention their "legitimate concerns" about the club's performance in this transfer window.

Lads, deactivate your twitter accounts. If it's not the far right arranging riots, it's reactionary dickheads posting on the NUFC hashtag. You're being radicalised. You're one election cycle away from voting Reform.

I've raised a complaint today. We'll see what happens. At least I've got the meter reading that that dopey cunt submitted corrected, so I'm not paying £800 for 5 weeks of gas.

Ah absolutely, this is me at home too. I've got the same Myers Briggs profile as the Unabomber (genuinely), so people should just think themselves lucky I'm not sending them parcels.

Craig Hope is usually the TF journo friend. I wonder if he's been bumped for posh boy Henry.

I'd tell him to make all of his demands and then divide the lot by fucking two, cos he's only got one working leg.

I've just remembered, the last time I was abroad we were in Zanzibar and went out on this boat trip thing. There was a bit where you could get in the water and there was this old American wife there who was away on an organised trip with a bunch of other old people. But she was the only one who had come on the boat trip. So we're all in the sea and she starts basically saying she needs to get back to the boat. She wasn't having difficulties or anything, but I think that would have come if she'd stayed in. So I said howay, I'll swim back to the boat with you. But when we got to the boat, she couldn't climb up the ladder cos she had no strength in her arms or legs. So there's a bloke on the boat trying to pull her up, but he was fucking hopeless and he's shouting down to me to give her a push. But the only thing available to me to push was her big old swimsuit covered arse. So I'm trying to wait to see if dickhead on the boat can get her on, but she's in danger of falling back into the water and landing on me, so, one hand on the ladder for support, up goes the other hand, planted into her big old arse cheek, and pushed. I heard an audible gasp from the other people in the water at this assault. 20 minutes later we're on the boat, and she's full of gratitude and asking me and the wife to join her in the bar that night for a drink. I think she had designs on these hands ending up somewhere else, but the no friends on holiday rule was enforced in full. I waved at her when she was sat with all her old biddies in the restaurant later.

I self-correct for this by just not talking to ANYONE when I'm on holiday and wearing headphones at all times by the pool. I don't want holiday friends. I don't understand people that want holiday friends. Everyone can fuck off when I'm on holiday.

I'd ban you lot from the next Olympics for that bullshit.

Slags.

Wife is a teacher unfortunately. Proper pain in the arse. We go to hotels where kids aren't allowed anyway, cos why listen to all the round the pool screaming if you don't have to, but it's still an arm and a leg.

Listen. This dude has lived in Singapore, Portugal, and the GODDAMNED US of A. Don't worry about my ability to take the heat, baby.

I'm looking at the temperatures over there and the map of "places where the heat is at a level that it will kill people", and wondering if booking Kos in August next year might have been a terrible idea.

You've just reminded me. I need to ring my energy provider and complain about the fact that the smart meters they installed don't work. The stupid thick cunt that I was telling you all had rang me twice the night before the visit btw. He managed to submit a final reading for my old metre of 111,053. The correct reading was 10,024. So I got charged £840 for 5 weeks of gas usage. I've sorted that bit, but my "smart" meters still don't report my fucking readings to anyone.

He got 3 years btw.

Judge's comments when dealing with one of the rioters recently. Oof.

I want to know what Wassy thinks.