Gemmill

This commentator is fucking obsessed with the hairy Egyptian. He commentates as if every attack is inevitably gonna end with him scoring.

God I hate Liverpool.

Aye, fired the starting gun on the national obesity crisis. In my head, it was the place on the corner under the John Dobson Street NCP. Last time I saw it, it was a Frankie and Benny's.

Remember the Deep Pan Pizza Company?

I've had that shit in Chicago and it's alright as an experience to say you've done it, but given the choice between that and proper pizza, there's no contest for me. It's also why the Midwest is the land of the weeble.

How did Hulk Dynamite get on?

Oof. Worse than Rome pizza, that. Looks like a murder in a hot tub.

Proper lairy when he's had a few, this one.

It's Arteta's latest motivational device. They've all been in prison over the close season.

You'll be hungover and catastrophising 12 hours from now.

Should have been "We need to talk about Keverton".

We need to talk about Everton.

If you tap on the little icon next to the number you get the roll call.

You need to relax, baby girl. Let Big Mitch do his thing.

GET IN!

Brighton fans must be wondering if Minteh is still concussed.

The first Man United goal was onside tbf. That last one was hilariously not.

It's something to do with the EFL's new TV deal. I think you can watch a lot more games this season, but there's still a 3pm blackout, so 12:30 has maybe become the new norm? I haven't looked into it properly, but it was like this on the first weekend too, loads of 12:30 kick offs.

He looks VERY raw. Wants the ball constantly, but has been in Dalot's pocket for most of the first half.

I think it's a formula they work to, and one of the big factors is something like the average of the last three months of wholesale gas prices. It'll take a rethink in the way the cap works to do anything about it. They should be bringing a proper tax on the energy companies in October. Hopefully that's on the agenda.

Good lads Brighton. 1 nil v Man United. Fletch has already been telling us about the last time Man United won their first two games of the season, so he might have to rethink today's script.

Still shite to hear you've got people close to you that will be struggling though, triple lock or not.

LEAVE HOPEY ALONE!

More women are coming out to talk about inappropriate messages from him. What is wrong with these telly blokes.