Gemmill

Whoa whoa whoa. Phistine! Singular!

No I watch telly on my telly. And I have lots of rooms without obvious TVs on the wall, they're the ones I don't watch TV in. Also, if you've hung your telly high enough on the wall to be mistaken for an oil painting you've hung your telly too high on the wall. This is EXACTLY the kind of shit you would give me if roles were reversed, so SUCK IT.

I bought a couple of oil paintings in the Black Friday sales. They look exactly like oil paintings and no cables coming out the back.

The Spurs fans deserve this for all the shit with the litter in the first half.

Aye it's been great. Chelsea have got some attacking talent, it's ridiculous.

And again. Turned up in his slippers.

Cucurella. Absolute poodle.

Antonio has had surgery on a broken leg. At 34, that's probably him retired by that, I would have thought. Could have been a lot worse tbf.

I bet you call lass's kegs "panties". And before you start trying to turn this around on me, I call them lass's kegs.

Well there's a lot of speculation that what he did was homophobic and he hasn't made a peep to put anyone right on that front.

Party time!

Re Guehi, @GrahamTaylor5 it seems overwhelmingly likely to me that his "I love Jesus" carried the subtext "so I'm not down with this rainbow shit".

I heard it's cos his "Amorim...? Am a hub!" joke went down like a shit sarnie with the new man.

"Preenteeism is our identity."

"You don't win trophies with remote working."

"Once I've got the cost base down, this baby will really start to purr"

Fucking hell I missed the news about Ashworth. I think this is probably quite a big mistake from Ratcliffe and I enthusiastically applaud it.

Absolutely delighted to see that they remain shit.

Stable condition. Conscious and communicating.

She's moving to Cleadon.

Aye it's easy when you bottle it after one good result.

1 nil Forest. Up yours you Paisley Ponce!

Our day is fucked but it'll take the edge off things slightly if Man United lose to Forest.

Up yours, Lombardo.