Gemmill

Lewis Hall is our biggest outlay of the summer. Put your purple hood up and pull the strings tight until we can't see your shamed face.

For all you poker fans, it's pocket 5s vs AK, all in preflop. Just need to dodge an A or a K to save democracy.

If he goes, we need to be certain we can replace him in what's left of the window.

The fewer games alone will mean we do better in the league than last season, regardless of what happens in the rest of the window.

If we get him for £60m and he spends the next 8 years at the heart of our defence, then it's a great deal.

My main mam James Lawrence Alcott has done his 10,000 simulations of the Premier League season. There's a couple where Man United get relegated, and I think it was 50 where we win the PL. Be nice if we could combine one of those two sims.

Good chance this is old, but even if you've heard, it it's worth another go.

No chance, I'm too much of an athlete for anything like that. Got some ibuprofen and a new ice pack thing after the top snapped off the old one yesterday. I'll be back running by the end of the week.

The dog that damaged you was not the pitbull though. That was your previous dog, which I believe was a dwarf Pomeranian.

Yes but that was out of shame for how it happened.

"Doctor" Gillian McKeith. I bet she's an antivax nutcase now.

He's about to go from "I'M A CHILD!" to...

Americans love getting married young as well. The number of kids I worked with over there who were not long out of uni and they were either already married or were engaged. No wonder their divorce rate is so high. Best off to wait til you're in your thirties and choose poorly, like I did.

Most of the people were lovely. We were in one place, properly off the beaten track, where it was basically someone's house and they served ribs and fries (and nothing else) and had live music. We asked one of the waitresses (who was part of the family that owned the place) at the end of the night about getting a taxi, and she disappeared and came back with her car keys and drove us back to the place we were staying. There's some sketchy parts of the big cities, as there is in any big city.

Limmy's obsession with proving that Cilla Black is a horrible person is one of the highlights of the last 12 to 18 months on the Internet.

"Legitimate concerns" isn't exactly jumping off the page here.

I did then click into your profile for a closer look btw, before ewerk does some sort of profile clicker search.

Picked it from the tiny avatar on my phone. I keep telling my lass I'm a super-recogniser. She just keeps on ignoring me.

No, it would have fallen off by now.

Is that a Lisa Loeb avatar, @Sonatine?

You looking out the window at the nosey cunts, are you, nosey cunt?

We need to get this done to save your face over the separate Marc Guehi thread, which I note you're too embarrassed to post this latest development in.

Protection. I've put a condom on my foot.