Gemmill

I'm waiting for someone to mention their "legitimate concerns" about the club's performance in this transfer window.

Lads, deactivate your twitter accounts. If it's not the far right arranging riots, it's reactionary dickheads posting on the NUFC hashtag. You're being radicalised. You're one election cycle away from voting Reform.

I've raised a complaint today. We'll see what happens. At least I've got the meter reading that that dopey cunt submitted corrected, so I'm not paying £800 for 5 weeks of gas.

Ah absolutely, this is me at home too. I've got the same Myers Briggs profile as the Unabomber (genuinely), so people should just think themselves lucky I'm not sending them parcels.

Craig Hope is usually the TF journo friend. I wonder if he's been bumped for posh boy Henry.

I'd tell him to make all of his demands and then divide the lot by fucking two, cos he's only got one working leg.

I've just remembered, the last time I was abroad we were in Zanzibar and went out on this boat trip thing. There was a bit where you could get in the water and there was this old American wife there who was away on an organised trip with a bunch of other old people. But she was the only one who had come on the boat trip. So we're all in the sea and she starts basically saying she needs to get back to the boat. She wasn't having difficulties or anything, but I think that would have come if she'd stayed in. So I said howay, I'll swim back to the boat with you. But when we got to the boat, she couldn't climb up the ladder cos she had no strength in her arms or legs. So there's a bloke on the boat trying to pull her up, but he was fucking hopeless and he's shouting down to me to give her a push. But the only thing available to me to push was her big old swimsuit covered arse. So I'm trying to wait to see if dickhead on the boat can get her on, but she's in danger of falling back into the water and landing on me, so, one hand on the ladder for support, up goes the other hand, planted into her big old arse cheek, and pushed. I heard an audible gasp from the other people in the water at this assault. 20 minutes later we're on the boat, and she's full of gratitude and asking me and the wife to join her in the bar that night for a drink. I think she had designs on these hands ending up somewhere else, but the no friends on holiday rule was enforced in full. I waved at her when she was sat with all her old biddies in the restaurant later.

I self-correct for this by just not talking to ANYONE when I'm on holiday and wearing headphones at all times by the pool. I don't want holiday friends. I don't understand people that want holiday friends. Everyone can fuck off when I'm on holiday.

I'd ban you lot from the next Olympics for that bullshit.

Slags.

Wife is a teacher unfortunately. Proper pain in the arse. We go to hotels where kids aren't allowed anyway, cos why listen to all the round the pool screaming if you don't have to, but it's still an arm and a leg.

Listen. This dude has lived in Singapore, Portugal, and the GODDAMNED US of A. Don't worry about my ability to take the heat, baby.

I'm looking at the temperatures over there and the map of "places where the heat is at a level that it will kill people", and wondering if booking Kos in August next year might have been a terrible idea.

You've just reminded me. I need to ring my energy provider and complain about the fact that the smart meters they installed don't work. The stupid thick cunt that I was telling you all had rang me twice the night before the visit btw. He managed to submit a final reading for my old metre of 111,053. The correct reading was 10,024. So I got charged £840 for 5 weeks of gas usage. I've sorted that bit, but my "smart" meters still don't report my fucking readings to anyone.

He got 3 years btw.

Judge's comments when dealing with one of the rioters recently. Oof.

I want to know what Wassy thinks.

We've Steve Parrished Charlotte FC.

Pelosi was interviewed by Goodall and Sopel on yesterday's news agents, and when asked about Truss saying the world would be safer if Trump won in November, her answer was "I'd say she doesn't know what she's talking about. Again. And the same for Boris Johnson."

Nah, they left because they didn't have jobs and were basically just two minority shareholders getting in the way of the people that had been appointed. They'll have been picking a decent wage up for their work, and you can't keep paying them once you've actually employed the people to do those roles. Also, they could dissent all they liked, but their 10% would have got them nowhere.

"That's not funny" Why are people gathering in a theatre to listen to this proven fool?

Did you miss those words? How I responded is how a normal contractual situation works but I because don't memorise all the PL's stupid rule changes, I might have messed up. However. The most instructive thing here is that I clearly could have told you FUCKING ANYTHING and you would have believed it. So THAT'S INTERESTING.

Nice one. Get anyone sacked?

This feels like when I see someone going to the cinema by themself. I don't know for certain that I should feel sorry for them, but I can't help it.

There's an extended cut where he's revealed to be the train driver.