Gemmill

"The best way to get over the last one is to get under the next one" - The Wisdom of Hawk Tuah

Is Lascelles still captain of the canteen, do we know?

It's odd for Howe to decide to announce that he's not a starter anymore and strip him of the captaincy. I wouldn't be surprised if he's pissed off at what happened last season where off-field shit of Trippier's own making led to a significant drop off in his on field performances. Not exactly the example you want your captain to set to the rest of the squad. I can also understand Trippier deciding to leave under those circumstances though.

The last thing that girl needs is a national abortion ban.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-13769129/INSIDE-NEWCASTLE-Transfer-chiefs-confident-snap-target-Marc-Guehi-one-star-left-frustrated-Saints-snub-Eddie-Howe-burger-king.html We're not after Madueke apparently.

Who can we appoint to find out what he's done? Ewerk, you are the closest thing we have to a private investigator on here. Do your thing.

What the FUCK was that. Had he done a Vice Versa body swap with Ross Kemp.

GB News beckons.

PS Congratulations on hitting puberty, Mr Hairy Chest Renton.

This is fucking gross lads.

I'm pleased for Tino too. At times last season, he looked tremendous. Time to invest in him now.

On the contrary, my runneth over.

He leaps like a goldfish. He plays for Cameroon too, so we'd be subject to AFCON disappearances.

Sorry to hear that Strawb. Poor bloke sounds like he's been dealt a very shitty hand by life. I hope your mam is OK, and you too.

Full fat Luke Edwards from you. "I'm reading a lot of reports on here that Kieran Trippier might be leaving the club, it I'm not hearing anything to supp- *GUMPH*....."

See if you can spot who knew what he was talking about in the above selection of posts btw. Selected ENTIRELY at random.

Powerful rumours that Hawk Tuah is announcing Harris on to stage tonight. Locking up the lads who like sloppy blow jobs vote.

*pats Dazzler on the head* No offence sonny.

He'll be wanting to stay close to his kids, the mad cunt.

I hope he likes relegations.

Mbeumo again. The bloke is 5 foot 7 man. We're not going back to the Ryan Fraser dwarf on the wing days. And you don't want to spend £70m on Guehi but you'd like to spend it on Mbeumo?! ?! ? !

As in other windows, we are focusing on the SPECIFIC players we've identified in the areas we need to improve. We totally do need to improve the defence btw. I think we know we won't get Guehi when he's signing pre-contracts, cos we won't pay him the sort of wage others will offer in those circumstances. We want him, and it's now or never, so we're paying his post-Euros cost because that's how highly we value filling the right sided CB slot with a young bloke with PL experience. If one of our right wing targets is available for the right money in this window, I'm sure we're currently trying to sign them too. The idea that we are somehow foregoing [UNNAMED RW] by "wasting" the money on Guehi is stupidly simplistic. The notion that we can just take that money and apply it to a different position when we have no idea what the targets are that we have in that area, or what the wage demands would he for a £70m [UNNAMED RW]. We don't know who the RW targets are and what their cost is. But it sounds like we are actively trying to bring one of them in AT THE SAME TIME as we are trying to sign Guehi. Maybe it's not one or the other at all.

Remove thread-starting privileges from all Australians. Do it now.

Yeah that Capology number is bollocks.

Setting aside the insurmountable issue of his wages, the problem with Sterling is that he feels like the sort of player that will treat us like a semi-retirement home. He's done his trophies at City, he got his big payday at Chelsea, and realistically he'd be coming here with a very small chance of doing anything other than top 4 finishes. I doubt those are the conditions that would get the best out of him. This isn't a slight on his character btw, I'm just talking about how a bloke that has won the domestic treble, a few PL titles, etc, gets himself up for "the big push for top 4" in his 30s.