acrossthepond

Shocking dive. We're just living in a Liverpool world. The rules don't apply when these FUCKING CUNTS are playing. Fuck man, they're not even good, this side has been carried by a combination of hype, VAR, dodgy decisions, and Klopp browbeating the officials all season.

Every Egyptian man goes bald. It's normal, it's expected. This is just embarrassing, he looks like Krusty the Klown.

Only at the magical Anfield is that a yellow card. It wasn't even a foul! If the vaunted VVD had made that tackle these'd be creaming their shitty Mike Ashley sportswear. FUCK OFF!

Is that what we're calling falling at the slightest contact and rolling around on the floor in apparent blistering agony while the opponents break repeatedly? He was fucking wretched. I'm not sure a DM, proper or otherwise, will help keep him from being such a tart all the time. What that game needed was a fit Joelinton imo. Personally I think we have much more pressing issues than CM to address. Wilson increasingly looks finished, Isak plays better on the left, and Almiron's bang out of form. Attempting to contend a season playing on four different fronts with two strikers was a mistake from the beginning. We should've spent much more wisely in the summer - I'm sure there were loans to be had. We couldn't legislate for the injury list we've suffered, but the dearth of forward options is 100% a failure of planning.

Absolutely rotten performance from Bruno as well, truly diabolical. Spent more time on the floor than with the ball. Part of the blame has to go to Howe for this loss. Burn against Elanga was never going to work. Tino hasn't put a foot wrong since he's been in the side - why was he dropped for a limited CB playing out of position? Especially against a pace merchant like Elanga? He should've been hooked at halftime. Actually, he should never have started.

Where do I start? Avocados - FUCK OFF. Nasty, fatty, awful. Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable? Is it a dinosaur's testicle? Who cares, it's rank. Mayo, ranch dressing, tartar sauce, aioli, any other fucking white slops that looks like it shows up under ultraviolet light. FUCK OFFFFFFF. I will not touch anything that's been into contact with any of these. Some of my students put mayonnaise on hot dogs, for God's sake. There ought to be a special division at the Hague for this sort of thing. American cheese - FUCK. OFF. I don't think anything else needs to be said. I'll add basically any yellow cheese to this category as well though I know that will be a more controversial opinion. Sour cream - What the fuck. Why are we using spoilt food? This isn't the Great Depression. FUCK OFF. Cheese danishes - WHY go to the trouble of making pastry, which is fucking difficult, only to fill it with minging, stinking fake cheese. GET IN THE FUCKING SEA. That goes for cheesecake as well. Why make a CAKE (delicious) only to fill it with FUCKING CHEESE (wretched)???? Zucchini/courgettes - Why does this vegetable exist? Cucumbers at least are refreshing. These are watery, wet, tasteless SHITE. FUCK OFF. Water chestnuts - Once again, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to eat these sopping wet flavorless discs? Dry toast has more personality. FUCK OFF. Ham - Now I want to preface this by saying that I've never eaten it, but what the fuck? It looks like a fucking corpse's ass-cheek and is injected with water. Absolutely disgusting. I understand the allure of crispy bacon or a pork chop but this honestly revolts me. Undercooked meat - Over the course of millions of years, our distant ancestors figured out how to use fire to cook meat. It was a seminal fucking step in the development of human civilization. BUT NOW, some fucking MORONS decided to revert to pre-caveman ways and eat bloody, raw, living flesh. Tartare? Carpaccio? How do you say "fuck you" in Italian? Sushi? That should be up there with the fucking Rape of Nanking as another Japanese war crime. Get fucked, the lot of it. Fatty steaks - What the actual fuck? Ribeyes, cowboy steaks, the fucking lot. "The fat is a key component in the meal", no it fucking isn't, are you mad? Great geet fucking white undissolved hunks of fat do not belong in my mouth. Do you serve a fucking pineapple with the skin on because it's a key component of the meal? Do you FUCK!

I'll give a bit more of a religious view on this. I want to preface by saying that I have absolutely no idea. I'm not one of those who thinks that my faith is the 100% gospel (see what I did there) and everyone else is an unbeliever, that I've got the straight goods from the Big Guy Himself and I'm on a one-way trip to paradise. I have no idea. I'm scared that it's all make-believe and there is nothing after you die - a light switch, like some of you referred to. Some days I believe that, and some days I don't. Most days I just try not to think about it and carry on living my life. This really first started affecting me in my first year as a teacher, when one of my students took her own life suddenly and unexpectedly. Before that I had never substantially questioned the certainty of heaven. However, her suicide (understandably) started a lengthy period of doubt. She was an innocent, a child who struggled with mental health issues the likes of which are still not clear and which we probably will never know. She was bullied over the internet by classmates and had an unsupportive home environment. What sins did she commit, that she should be condemned to hell for all eternity? Did God - and Islam states clearly that everything that happens is already ordained by Him - create her, only to have her kill herself and be denied paradise? That seems to make no sense. So I questioned myself for a long time. Ultimately I arrived at a conclusion that many other people have throughout history, which is Pascal's wager: that it is better to live as if He is real, because you stand to lose less than if you live as if He is not. What do I really give up by living as a Muslim? Pork? Alcohol? I have no interest in either. What obligations do I incur by living as one? Hajj? Fasting? Harmless, barely even an inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. So I decided to keep going, and I expect I will for the rest of my life. When I have doubts, I comfort myself oddly not with the Qur'an, but with Dune, where Frank Herbert wrote "What senses do we lack that we cannot see or hear another world all around us?" An ant is not aware, could not possibly be aware, of this conversation we're having right now...but nonetheless, it is happening, it exists. Theoretically an omnipotent God would be as far beyond us as we are beyond that ant. It's not impossible. So, it's not impossible that there is another life beyond this one.

There were a couple of clangers but considering we just mullered a nearly 1bn-value side with three keepers on the bench and barely broke a sweat, you have to say...that Chelsea are really, really fucking shit Howay the lads, bring on PSG, we'll play Karius at CB and still beat them.

Taxi for baldy!

Class run, Tino making them look like Sunday leaguers. These are there for the taking, let's not hold back.

GET THE FUCK IN!

He opined via PM that the world would be better off if I died from COVID-19. This was shortly after I pulled him up on a dodgy semicolon. The man's a nutter, crazier than a loon.

Missed this as I was busily supervising a 12-0 loss in the school league I coach. Couldn't care less.

Come back! We haven't discussed magness yet!

Extra game as well for that strop he just threw. See you next tuesday you utter, utter wanker.

Get the fuck off!

How about a third yellow for that shirt pull as well? Not asking for much here, just a bit of consistency.

Shirt colour rule. That was a certain second yellow if he'd been in any of the non-approved colours.

The fact that they resorted to cheap fouls and time-wasting (and that the ground was silent as a library) gives proof of our progress. We'll get there. On to the victims next week.

Mac Allister was just sent off for that tackle earlier, Gordon's a lucky boy.

It'd be a bit harder to source bacon though.

Very special experience, I screamed myself hoarse at the end. It was a little disheartening to see us a) playing crap in the first half and b) missing so many first-teamers, but things improved a lot once Brighton took off much of their much-stronger starting XI and our kids grew into the game. Barnes looked quite good though he should've scored in the first half. I don't know if we were under explicit instructions to play out the back, but the regularity with which we screwed it up in the first half was alarming (understandable maybe considering Dummett and Lascelles were playing.) Murphy barely touched the ball in the first half, I wouldn't have known he was playing if I hadn't seen his name on the lineup, but he definitely made an impression in the second. The atmosphere was a little flat considering how non-partisan the crowd was, though our lads in the designated NUFC sections made noise all game long. Some of the biggest cheers were for Caicedo and Estupinan, who were supported by hordes of Ecuadorian fans in yellow, almost as if there were a third team playing. The worst part was having to listen to a typical yankee doodle dumbass sat next to me, purportedly an Arsenal fan, who knew everything and nothing about football. The stadium also played the Blaydon Races at the end as we were filtering out, which was a nice touch.

Heading to the match now, absolutely buzzing. Can’t wait to give that lovely “fight and win!” ditty recommended by HMHM an airing, so be sure to listen for it.

I'll also be there, can't wait. It'll only be my second time seeing the mighty mags in person. First, a friendly at Hartlepool years ago, where I was treated to the likes of Marveaux, Amalfitano, and chants of "the referee's a seal!" I think the second will be a rather more exciting affair.

Give over you Cretaceous cretin, it's called excitement. Not all of us remember the FA cup wins. Hell, some of us don't even remember KK the first time round. This is new ground, it's all right to go a little crazy about the next top player the internet says we're signing that nee fucker's ever heard of. Sorry if you had your sense of wonder surgically removed after D-Day.