Dazzler

FYP

Keyp it on the shelf below the brewn where it belongs, marra

Where's his fucking statue?

Definitely shags his wife by poking his nob out the gap between the buttons on his stripey pyjamas. Just kidding - she's getting rifled by someone while he watches and cries - like Wyki.

Unsuccessful in the Man Utd ballot. I don't believe I'm attending another game this season tbh.

Howe's first broken record with us IIRC. No one had survived relegation from the position we were in at the point he took over and he did it with weeks to spare, spanking the ever loving shit out of the majority of the teams on the way.

"Wa ganna ha' ta start wa owan news programme now, marra. Wa'll call it Lewk 12 miles Less North and wa'll get Bally to dey the anchor role. Marco Gabbadeyney will definitely wrap up BBC mags to dey the sports fo weh. We can have a standing segment abewt why Dawn Thewlis is such a slag and wa'll send Pickford owa to the middle eyst to look for bin bags filled with Khashoggey's remains."

I watched a film called Deadstream yesterday. It's a found footage film about a disgraced youtuber livestreaming a stay in a haunted house overnight to win back sponsors etc. It is played for laughs though, and I thought it was actually funny as fuck.

I thought Adolescence was shite tbh. I thought the way it was filmed was impressive but that was about it.

Aye, for once it felt like the commentators were actually rooting for us. Carragher I can get to an extent - a boyhood Liverpool fan, who only ever played for Liverpool mightn't be the best person to have as a pundit on a cup final that Liverpool lost. Especially, if you're planning on having that pundit conduct the interviews with the opposing team after the match . He gave us our flowers directly after full time by saying we didn't just beat them, we battered them. They should have turned the mic off after that though.

Man Utd sponsored directly by Saudi Arabia. Miguel: Qatar host the world cup, and Miguel Delaney: (He went by the way, on Qatari coin. Not a peep). NUFC do anything: "Bad craic lads, what about Khashoggi?"

No one that doesn’t get deported, that is.

You probably got a fax instead you posh cunt.

Delaney didn’t give a fuck when the Saudi royal family were sponsoring his beloved ‘United’. He wasn’t above taking the free press tickets dished out by the Qataris either. Bloke is a prick.

Schar was just thrilled he didn’t have to be sexually assaulted by Staveley in the stands this year.

"I told them dat dey wa a disgustin' fatberg and dey just laughed at me Reebok classics, la."

Imagine going for a pint on a Monday morning and thinking you have any right to judge anybody for any reason

My boss is a mackem. He’s 100% working from home tomorrow.

I’d shag him if he’d let me tbh.

Fireworks getting set off over my way. Fuck knows what the plan was for them if we lost

Fuck that. Life isn’t getting better than this flatline on coke and thumb it into an expensive escort.

I can’t get passed the fact he looks like Denzel Washington in the equaliser with the contrast turned right up.

Lascelles pulled a Terry and stuck a top on and lifted it with them tbf. Even got a winners medal despite not kicking a ball in over a year

Im hard. Won’t be once the vodka hits, but I’m hard as of now.