Dazzler

One child per adult. Girl children not allowed (leave them on Great North Road to be run over, as is tradition).

Made my teeth itch writing it tbh. Almost as bad as Shearer saying "howay the boys" on a video he sent to Lineker which he played on their podcast.

It might be a case of there will inevitably be a protest against sportswashing arranged for the same day and they'd rather keep that separate from the celebration. Hard to separate when you have a photo of the lads on an open top bus driving passed a banner asking what happened to Khashoggi

https://twitter.com/NUFCblogcouk/status/1903064400270856589?t=QKm7G94_yvoITm2ANV-Qxg&s=19 Soz for sharing a nazi musk link like, but this made me laugh

Riot police were called to an incident of civil unrest in Newcastle City Centre last night after reports of a so called dry event on the town moor. Locals were said to be outraged at the lack of alcoholic beverages on sale and took to barricading the front of the Milburn entrance with flaming wheelie bins. Sandra, 19 from Benwell had this to say. “Ya man, I was just taking the bairns doon to see some owld yank bloke gerriz moister than an oyster by slapping bass when I sent me youngest grandbairn owa to the bar to get a drink and he comes back and tells iz that thaz nee Stella. Ah was raging man. What was ah meant to give him like? The didn’t even have nee fruit drinks like Bucky or dark fruits man. Daft cunt had to have a fruit shoot and ah cannit gerrim to sleep noo. So obviously we stormed the Milburn. I’m even more mad noo coz ah hoyed one of me primarni crocs at the security gadgy and he’s not give iz it back.” More to follow.

I was working in a shop when the cashier called me over. He said, "These two blokes came in and tried to give me some fake fifty pound notes." "What did they look like?" I asked. He said, "Fifty pound notes."

That old yank cunt will already have his flights booked. The club will probably let him play the bass guitar with the live band and allow him to lift the trophy as well. "Hey they fellow toon guys. I'm delighted to have been personally invited to witness the Newcastle Mag Boys lifting the esteemed coca-cola championship trophy. I've just landed here in jolly old town this morning on a private jet personally piloted by Darren Eales. Now the moment you've all been waiting for, listen to me shred it to killing in the name of. Just kidding, it's free bird. Howay the guys."

My wife had it when she was a bairn it sounds fucking brutal like.

Sorry to hear about your ailment but congrats on successfully building that time machine.

They've spelled gravy wrong.

Nah, our entire IT system went to shit yesterday afternoon and has continued into this morning. I blame the yank IT blokes who decided to undertake a massive project unannounced upon arrival. Not entirely sure how or what they’ve done but it’s 100% their fault. Typical American attitude, hoy a few bombs, destroy everything, scream freedom and fuck off.

“Save leazes park lol” I think they’re being serious here, lads and definitely not childish and petty.

I blame the work IT. This was glorious. All of it. I’ve been ripped off.

It’s doing it for me on my phone as well. Never mind. Rest assured it was comedy gold.

"Show me Bruno Guimaraes curling one out at the gates of the stadium of light in Sunderland." I think the AI misunderstood the assignment.

Gave me this: Instead of giving him 9 fingers they chopped his arm off at the elbow. That is Mac Allister in a toon strip, because of course it is. I gave up and asked for a christ the redeemer statue of Joelinton instead and got: Safe to say AI is shite.

It gets worse with each additional prompt tbh

Perfect this IMO

His time will never be done with us. By then AI will have perfected cloning and/or reanimation and Howe will live on forever.

FYP

Keyp it on the shelf below the brewn where it belongs, marra

Where's his fucking statue?

Definitely shags his wife by poking his nob out the gap between the buttons on his stripey pyjamas. Just kidding - she's getting rifled by someone while he watches and cries - like Wyki.

Unsuccessful in the Man Utd ballot. I don't believe I'm attending another game this season tbh.