Kitman

Will they invent a spray to prevent players throwing themselves down and feigning injury to win free kicks in the first place?

I find it hard to believe that anybody involved with the sale of the club would tip off the NOTW tbh

Exactly - that was the implied excuse for the £20m crap and will be used for the length of his stay. At the end of his 5 year plan we might be "really" debt free but lucky to be in the premiership. Dunno about debt free but he's certainly succeeded in making us point free

I think Diouff may be a Muslim as well so no doubt booing him because he's a despicable, cheating shit would be racist as well. I think Viduka's was fat greedy bastard (ironic as that's the only reason he signed for them) so obesist/capitalist/illigetimatist would obviously be okay. The rule seems to be it's OK to take the piss as long as they're white/Christian. Anything else is racist.

Be surprised if that 110m was anything other than an interest free loan in the first place. I expect January's transfer kitty has gone on repaying some of it too.

I think Danny is on the wind up. There are good and bad things about the setup. But it has categorically failed vis a vie the squad and our current predicament...People will debate this I guess till we get relegated, cause if we don't spend in Jan we will be fighting for our lives. I think there are some people who believe the setup is a work of genius. Despite where we sit in the table.

Our squad was woefully thin when the season began and still is; how has Ashley built a decent squad? We're utterly short in midfield (a 34 year old who can't pass the ball is our midfield lynchpin), we are short of a left back, a centre half, a back up right back and all of our strikers are injury prone except the one you want to be injured. A decent squad ? Would be funny if we were weren't in the bottom 3......

Getting in Frank Spencer to do a makeover on your house

Aye. Ashley's slunk off into the shadows. He's like the Hooded Claw these days. Only fatter.

Bruce is a horrible turd of a man. What was Fat Freddie thinking? I've been shit scared for years that we'll end up with him. Or just as bad O'Leary. Two men the remote control was invented for.

Must win game for the lads. Especially because it's Steve Bruce

The article was probably written by Owen's agent tbh

I had to stick a tube up someone's bum yesterday and have them fart in my face, but this has really put me off my breakfast. I trust you had a cigarette lighter ready at the end of the tube?

Disappointed when I heard. I was hoping for John Grisham

Good luck mate. If you listen to any of the "advice" on here, you'll need it

It's a rum do when an english lionheart outcheats the Spanish. Only the Italians or Chelsea can stand between Stevie Cheat and the trophy on this form

meh x a million

I'm pessimistic about this match. I think they'll have too much in midfield and upfront for us, especially in the last half hour and/or playing on the counter at pace. Hopefully Butt won't play. I'd settle for a draw tbh.

Couldnt agree more mate, thing with Xisco is, some think he cant be arsed...its not that...he's just shit! Luque the second. but...but....wasn't he picked out by our fantastic all conquering transfer team? How on earth could he be shit?

fucking hell... that was a beautiful goal... Incredible. If it was one of our lot it would've gone out for a throw in

Pretty comparable to Danny B then I always thought Collins looked like he had a stocking pulled over his head. Bit like a bank robber, only nowhere near as interesting

Good to see Elvis's chef is still working

Presumably he'll be delegating diet and fitness matters to someone else?

Could lack of match fitness have had anything to do with it? Weren't half the team (Barton, Enrique, Guthrie, Jonas, Martins) playing their way back from a spell out?

He's an old fashioned manager and doesn't understand how the system works yet. He'll be asked to put his transfer requests on a piece of paper and push them under Wisey's door a la Dave Bassett. Wisey will then eventually read them on the toilet, laugh and wipe his backside on them. Mike Oh aye. I nearly said Harry actually