Kitman

Pietersen out for rest of series following surgery on achilles injury, Bell in.

He may be right about that. I'm not so sure about his claims to be the Son of God though....I don't recall the bit in the bible where Jesus spent a hefty chunk of his life as a sports presenter

Interesting question, one I would love an answer to.

You think appointing another Director of Football would be sensible? Especially a randy old goat like him, even the tea lady would be nervous. We'd also have to pay him through the nose, although that's of course the NUFC way. You sure this ME consortium didn't take over the wrong Magpies? That's right, pay him a fortune for sitting at his desk browsing porn or chasing secretaries up and down the corridor. Er, or something.

You think appointing another Director of Football would be sensible? Especially a randy old goat like him, even the tea lady would be nervous.

Surprised to see Coloccini showing any sort of emotion on the field. They were wrestling over his wallet apparently

Only if you can think of something which gives you equal or better value for money. To paraphrase Billy Connolly, if you stop drinking and smoking you could be the fittest guy in the old folks' home.

I'd be interested to know how many of the 25,000 include people who signed up for the 3 year deal previously so have rolled on another year automatically.

I'm getting confused between Howmanheyman and Stevie. Are they one and the same?

What was the flavour of the soup? Was that story about Marianne Faithfull and the Mars Bar just an urban myth?

I can't remember him scoring with his head apart from that Barca game? Maybe I'm being unfair. He's certainly a crap target man and can't find his teammates with his head.

I assume Shola's the horse? Seriously Parky, what makes you think he would be an asset to the team in the CCC? I haven't seen him play for a long while but has he improved? iirc he couldn't hold the ball up, rarely struck the ball cleanly, let defenders off the hook by giving away obvious fouls all game long, little heading ability, little awareness of team mates around him. Generally spent the game lolloping around at a snail's pace, huffing at the ref, sulking when he was ignored, with the odd dribble up a blind alley and no end product. Never chased down defenders either. And this is Shola at his peak Is he really better than Carroll?

Following the toon is probably the biggest threat to our health

Typically we hear nothing of the fate of the potato

It's like the upper-class compartment on Incontinence Airways. That bloke in the brown suit on the front row I'm surprised they're not reading him the last rites

I'm guessing he'll do the usual Aussie trick of pretending it didn't happen. I'm seriously expecting it won't be reported on Aussie Sky news. Of course, if their fortunes improve Ken will be back like a shot, as if he'd never gone Kitman who do you prefer Aussies or English and why? I prefer the English. Because I'm an Englishman tbh I don't have a problem with Aussies, they seem to export the worst ones to England. I do a lot of business with the Aussies and they're good craic by and large. As a nation they're obsessed with sport in an East German type of way but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Ah fair enough. Are you Gejon in disguise?? I'm more of an OOT than Gejon, I think you'll find

I've no faith in Shola. Still we may have no choice, and you never know.

Good post match interview with Ponting to be fair. Didn't whinge, which is nice.

I'm guessing he'll do the usual Aussie trick of pretending it didn't happen. I'm seriously expecting it won't be reported on Aussie Sky news. Of course, if their fortunes improve Ken will be back like a shot, as if he'd never gone Kitman who do you prefer Aussies or English and why? Probably the English I reckon. Ripper! Very perceptive Alex

I'm guessing he'll do the usual Aussie trick of pretending it didn't happen. I'm seriously expecting it won't be reported on Aussie Sky news. Of course, if their fortunes improve Ken will be back like a shot, as if he'd never gone Kitman who do you prefer Aussies or English and why? I prefer the English. Because I'm an Englishman tbh I don't have a problem with Aussies, they seem to export the worst ones to England. I do a lot of business with the Aussies and they're good craic by and large. As a nation they're obsessed with sport in an East German type of way but I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Yeah, a friend of mine was saying Ashley will probably wait till as late as possible, flog everyone possible, pocket the money and leave no time to buy any new players! Probably take the toilet paper with him as well. I expect they've been on the grease proof paper for months now

I'm guessing he'll do the usual Aussie trick of pretending it didn't happen. I'm seriously expecting it won't be reported on Aussie Sky news. Of course, if their fortunes improve Ken will be back like a shot, as if he'd never gone

Outstanding post Sandman, inspirational stuff. So you kept one nut expecting to lose both, or did I read that wrong?

ENGLAND WIN BY 115 RUNS! Johnson bowled Swann.

Flintoff continues. Kitman talks to himself on Toontastic.