Django Reinhardt

I admit I was put off from watching Murderball since it appeared to have some kind of Jackass connection. I just saw the name Jackass and immediately dismissed it and that was after reading a couple of positive things about it too such is my Ebertian pseudo film critic snobbery. Though I'm not sure watching paraplegics knock lumps out of each other is that appealing right now. Enron - The Smartest guys in the Room I have on stand-by. I will certainly watch that in the coming weeks. I remember seeing the title and confusing it with the Exxon incident, the tanker that leaked oil wiping out untold numbers of marine based creatures. I actually don't remember much about Enron at all but I love a good documentary since the people in them don't decline into madness and shoot other people in the head. Not usually anyway.

The Assassination of Richard Nixon Sort of like a white collar Taxi Driver. Really this was an impressive film but almost unremittingly bleak. I don't think there was even a seconds let up in the inevitable decline of Samuel Bicke. I honestly don't think I'm going to watch any more of these sad films. They depress me and make me look at my own life through whatever the reverse of rose tinted spectacles are. Shit tinged binoculars perhaps. No, I'm going to be reading the labels looking out for any hint of something sad possibly happening. In fact only if every actor on the cover is smiling inanely will I even reach for the box. The pay-off was even reminiscent of the aforementioned Taxi Driver, the same shocking violence. Really this was grim stuff, I was expecting a conspiracy thriller or something akin to the Parallax View but I couldn't have been wider of the mark. Verdict: Grim but gritty. A good way to flush out the Christmas Spirit. Further confirmed for me the popular view that Sean Penn can be a decent actor at times.

Hey, if a shit film gets you into good music then who am I to complain. I haven't heard the track in question. I'll look into it. Must be on one of their later "disappointing" albums. Consider getting Liar and Goat, they're the two I'd most heartily recommend, seeing as I don't have any of their others and I've read they're a bit, well...

Jesus Lizard - Liar This is probably a rip-off of my last Lizard rant but really for mad bar-room ballistics there has never been anyone better. Animal energy, violence, uncommunicative communciation. Growling, gurning, just furious sounds ejaculating out of every pore. This is rock music which laughs at such a tag as any self respecting band should do. A genius band, massively underrated in their lifetime and still unsurprisingly almost forgotten. Check them out while they're still a foot-note. In a few years you'll not even find them on google. Well maybe you will but the links will all be broken. Growl.

Who's going to die? The grammar nazi in me.

The Clientele - Strange Geometry Dreamy Byrdsian album from one of the lesser hyped British bands. Admittedly they don't fit into the Nu Wave pop revisionism that's very much in vogue right now but there's scarcely been a better album this year than this one. For me certainly their best yet and a perfect accompaniment to that lovely numbness a quart of whiskey can bring. Really how can you not fall in love with those dreamy guitars?

I hoped he would win before the fight but only because I thought he was the man going places. That he had the talent to actually do something at world level. After that performance I'm glad he lost. To be honest I wish both of them could have lost. That would have been the only just result. If they are the best of British heavyweight boxing then we might as well all go home now. After laughing previously at the talentless Matt Skelton I'm afraid to say that on this showing he'd knock them both, yes that's right, into a cocked hat. The Amir Khan opener wasn't much better. He looked like he was fighting someone two or three weight divisions down. It'll no doubt be four or five years before he fights anyone who could ever possibly hope to even have a miniscule chance of actually beating him. Still, at least he shows promise, although his complete lack of defense is at this stage a slight worry. There's no chance he'll be pitted against anything other than part-timers until they sort that out.

Jesus you can say that again. One of the worst fights I've ever seen. Two semi-decent rounds in a twelve round contest. Shots thrown at an absolute premium. One cuffing knockdown. Williams lumbering forward throwing nothing, Harrison backing off throwing little non-jabs. For ten rounds people. Ten rounds. Jesus, it was worse than I could ever have imagined. A truly shocking fight. Let's hope we never have the misfortune of watching either boxer again. The verdict is immaterial, boxing lost tonight. Both fighters and the sport itself. Absolute rubbish.

As much as I'm convinced it'll be a truly terrible fight I can't say I'm not excited by seeing the spectacle. The fact that Williams weighed in at 19 stone 6 suggests a one sided contest but I'm sure old Audley can make a meal out of it. I'm predicting a fifth or sixth round stoppage in favour of Harrison. He's a clown but I reckon he'll wipe the floor with Williams tonight.

Futureheads - Eponymous I'm not sure this fabulous debut entirely got it's due. Alongside Maximo Park and southerners Bloc Party they've for me pretty much cornered the market in post punk/ new wave Gang of Four/Talking Heads etc copyism. They've eeked out a whole genre or rather sub-genre for themselves. The mighty triumvirate I like to call them. Far better than the much heralded likes of Franz Ferdinand et al. Listen again to the three debuts of the bands I mention, then listen to either Franz Ferdy album and see if I'm not right. Of course we could just put it down to taste but that's just a dull cop out and we both know it. You know I'm right.

I just watched Creepshow, you know the 1982 horror compendium based on an old comic book series. Directed by George Romero and written by Stephen King. Yep, it was terrible. I almost turned it off half way through but I just about hung on out of some misguided sense of kitsch or something. Actually I quite enjoyed a couple of the sketches, Danson's hair was incredible and the Beast in the Basket story was sort of fun for it's short duration. For some reason I remembered this as being a lot better than it actually was. Maybe I was getting it mixed up with Twilight Zone: The Movie or some such. With the giant mutated rabbit, I used to have nightmares about that gory beast. It was a hallucination I think. I think some of those Hammer Horror compendiums were much better than this, there was one with a cursed mirror which people could walk through and it took them to hell or something, but it was very understated, although being the 70s the width of the bell bottoms weren't. I think one of them also had Peter Cushing as an old antiques dealer. Or perhaps it was he who held the strange tales together.

I really can't see an in-work top manager going to Real Madrid. So I agree it's likely to be either Le Guen or Hitzfeld. It's no coincudence that people like Wenger, Mourinho, Capello et al turn their nose up at the job. If we think the job at Newcastle is a poisoned chalice, take a look at Real Madrid. Only winning the league and Champions League every season is considered a success. Especially considering they have Barca in their way for both honours. Still perhaps after a couple of lean years they'd settle for just one or the other this time. Perhaps they'll even settle for Del Bosque.

That's no loss, have you seen madrids defence this season when Woody's not playing. Nearly as bad as us tbh. To be fair though that's because he's been playing out of position for a number of years now. When I first noticed him he was a defensive midfielder, a classy reader of the game and a tireless work horse. I remember at the time though they had something of a defensive crisis so they moved him back into the defense (I think it was just after Hierro retired once they realised that despite showing early promise Pavon was never going to fill the gap). I hoped once Woody got himself fit he'd move back into his preferred position, Woody and Sergio Ramos at the back and Helguera tidying up in front of them. I was openly salivating at the prospect of a Helguera and Scotty Parker partnership in midfield. It could really have taken the pressure off our ailing defense. Still I suppose one might have hoped such a quality defensive midfielder should have made more of his new position since he's been playing it regularly for around three seasons.

So how would you define courage if not pride overcoming fear? Or perhaps you think courage is a fallacy?

Fear of being court-martialled alone doesn't exactly make for a good soldier. No you need to add a pinch of self-preservation, a dash of sadomasochism, a hint of pride and honour, a touch of reckless abandon. Oh wait there, is that not what they call bravery? After all, as that old warrior Souness sagely declares, we all have to be able to look ourselves in the mirror when we're combing what little hair we have left. What is bravery but the overcoming of fear by pride?

I've been watching the Great War on DVD. I'm constantly stunned by the slaughter, the idea that thousands of men walked to their death in the mudbaths of the Somme, Paschendale, Ypres and so on. I find it hard to believe the whole brothers in arms idea can account for them not telling their officers exactly where to fuck right off. The French had the right idea it seems to me. An incredible series by the way, if you have any interest in history. I keep wondering if the footage can be genuine so impressive is it, and so cynical am I. I'm not at the end right now but I respect my forefathers even more than I already did after seeing what they went through.

You're being sarcastic right Kenneth? It sounds bloody awful. Even if you're a fan of idiot Gervais.

I'm so miffed over the performance I've decided to rate them not according to the quality of their performances but the to quality of their haircuts. Given - 6 - Always neat and tidy, suits the squareness of the face. A slightly above average effort. Ramage - 5 - Quite closely cropped and not dissimilar to Shay's. It's a shame but I've had to knock off a point in that I doubt any haircut would improve the overall unattractiveness. Elliot - 7 - A bit more of a fringe gives that slightly windswept effect. Looks like a soldier who's had his helmet knocked off by a stray piece of shrapnel. His gormless expression doesn't betray the lie. Boumsong - 3 - A shite defender who's an absolute liability to his teammates. What Souness was thinking when he wasted eight million on this joker only himself and the Rangers chairman know. Piss poor. N'Zogbia - 6 - Grown out the crew cut and now approaches mini afro status. Not a bad effort. Solano - 7 - 50s schoolboy haircut serves him well with that lovely shiny slickness that those mediterranean types often have. Emre - 8 - Thick and healthy ploomage, looks like a minature Tony Danza. Perhaps the best of the bunch. Parker - 6 - Strictly short back and sides for Scott, I'll wager his hair now is identical to that in his primary school class photo. Steady. Bowyer - 5 - Spiked up, receding. Not a great deal to be said. Mousey coloured. Junior Alan. Luque - 9 - A marvel of opacity, his head could glowing a radioactive green and we'd never know. Impressive. Shearer - 4 - Bald. No styling possible it's just a case of preservation. His participation has been reduced to a careful comb now and again. The subs all get 5 since I've rapidly become bored with the whole concept and my ire is no longer sufficient to fuel my fingers.

Well it's all hypothetical of course but I don't believe Taylor would have made the jaw dropping errors that either Bramble or Boumsong made in the game. Shearer would have provided more of a goal threat than Ameobi, if only from set pieces. It's difficult to see how much more Carr could have done than Ramage particularly in that game but he's obviously the more accomplished full back. It's difficult to judge from the Chelsea game alone since the team played quite well but simply shot themselves in the foot with very poor defensive mistakes. I think swapping in the players I mention would over the whole season result in better performances and results. At least I hope that's the case although I realise I'm falling for the old "if we get our full team out we'll be a force to be reckoned with" cliche. I certainly agree that we'd need to replace both Bramble and Boumsong, and that Taylor is not the finished article. I'd also consider playing Luque up front ahead of Shearer in the odd game, just to see how well he does. N'Zogbia seems to be doing well enough to start at left wing anyway. Dyer is an option as well of course but I think Luque offers us something a bit different up there though not having seen much of him in that position I can't really comment with any authority. I do know he's played there for the national side.

Well I counted Taylor, Carr, Dyer, Luque, Shearer and Owen. Of course I'm questioning here if we can consider Dyer a first teamer but I'm fairly convinced that the others would be in the team if fit. So maybe five with a questionable sixth. I do think Taylor has pushed himself ahead of Bramble in the pecking order though it reamins to be seen. Luque would be a guaranteed starter simply because of the fee and the fact that he's a Souness signing. I do think he'll be quality once he settles in though. I agree that only Owen out of those missing is "top class" but I think many of the others would have made a difference. Luque is still something of an unknown quality so we don't know how much more he would have done than N'Zogbia. I'm hoping he's going to join Michael in the "top class" bracket.

The way you quote me at length almost suggests that your post has something to do with the subject being discussed instead of being a scattergun attack on what I'm sure you see as the forces bringing our club to it's knees. Still my mentioning Dyer's name was probably all that was needed wasn't it?

Next up I'll be telling you all why you should be listening to Neil Diamond. And not in an ironic, big fat Elvis way but as a great and underappreciated singer-songwriter. Come on, admit it. You always loved that smooth gravelly voice and just can't wait for me to justify it as something you should really be listening to in a totally sincere and non-kitch manner. As ever just the first couple of albums, maybe that double live one that has your favourite Sweet Caroline on it. You always need a handle when a recording artist is putting down history. Shut your eyes and sections could almost be Van the Man. Oh go on then, Jazz Singer if you must.

The Band - Brown Album I remember listening the Basement Tapes a long time ago and thinking: What the hell is Bob doing? What are these strange ramshackle sounds? Why do the songs sound so sloppy and unfinished? Of course after a few more listens I granted grudging respect but this didn't seem destined to be a great flaming love affair. Still, having recently rewatched The Last Waltz I've not been able to get enough of The Band, well the first two albums anyway. I now openly scoff at the trendy Band wannabees like, erm King of Leon and ooo, loads more less trendy wannabees. I'm listening at source here people, I'm a musical archaeologist (not a real one though, obviously, more a ruggedly handsome Indiana Jones style one) sifting through dusty caves to suck out the real embalming fluid so I can run back to all you plebs back in your sheltered apartments and tell you what the real shit tastes like.

Well you've got the pace and work-rate of Dyer verses the extra craft and guile of Solano (though he hasn't shown too much of it since his return, I know, still not match fit). I think that would be the swap out I could most easily make for him, but really when (hopefully not if) Nobby starts to find his range again I think he'll really start to pull the strings on that right side. I think Nobby and Carr could potentially be a rock solid partnership. I also think N'Zogbia will be unlucky to lose his place, but then Luque can also play up front.

Watching him come on as a sub and run rings around an admittedly demoralised West Brom augured well for a future status as our very own supersub but as you say he'd be an expensive and undoubtedly vocally unhappy perennial sub.