Ayatollah Hermione

Also, if Parky is right and we do finish 7th, that has to be the best argument for drug use that will have come along in years.

The key to surviving the drop is to win and draw more games than we lose. Joe Kinnear would do well to take this advice into the dressing room. Imagine our relief when this simple philosophy results in continued success.

I reckon Harper will sign once he realises that first team football will be on the horizon. And I'd bet it's more likely that Harper hasn't been offered a contract rather than him stalling over one. If it's been confirmed that he has, then disregard that.

You owe me a new monitor.

Why Joe Hart? Harper is a perfectly fine mid-table Premiership keeper and Krul/Forster should be at the point where they can be relied on as dependable back-up.

Will that involve us kidnapping them and forcing them to play for us?

James Beattie...WATCH OUT RELEGATION BATTLERS, WE'RE COMING FOR YOU

I'd probably have Mido. Just for the surrealism of it all. And to see Louise Taylor go mental.

Aye, I'll be on through the afternoon probably. Don't get alarmed if I'm not talking, I'll probably just be in chat with someone.

Never going to get in to Villa's team either, bless him.

Faustino, she's not going to have sex with you. Stop

£32 million is pretty mental money for someone that's, largely, been a bit player this season. Undoubted class but if he signs, I can only see it being for a lot less.

I think it's all well and good having that steady supply of youth players that can be grown into good Prem players as a means of staying afloat but that all goes down the shitpan if we go down this season as the hit in losing Premier League money and having to replace our best players will do us worse than a scrappy Premier League finish ever will. I'm not saying we should be throwing silly money around this window to survive but I think we need to be spending, especially on depth in order to ensure that the supposed "plan" for the future can be implemented. I think I said before that next season would be the pivotal one for the club's future but this season has really got a make or break vibe to it. If we go down, we're down for a long time and possibly done ala Leeds but if we stay up, there's every chance of rebuilding. Then again, how many times have we said that before mismanagement fucked it all up?

Besty, I'll give you a game tonight. Was playing in a cup throughout all of this morning/afternoon. No worries though considering I won

I don't mean to brag but it'll tickle your ribs.

I remember people saying the same when he went to Blackburn.

£3 million would be a canny deal but 6 is taking the piss a bit.

I'd like to see them try tbh. I'm anti-virused and firewalled like nobody before. It'd be like the final war scene in The Two Towers, except with them not even getting past the first string of archers.

Gobshite. Baffling subsitutions and tactics sometimes. Aside from that, nowt really.

Needed to win this one. Last thing we need is more games.

Fagan is such a fucking knobhead.

Like Happy, I went and pillaged Woolies. Got the Peep Show scripts for £4.79 and then got a ton of CDs; Fiest's 'Let it die', a Creedence Clearwater Revival best of, Billie Holiday best of and two Marvin Gaye albums.

Finally coming around to getting through Season 5 and it's been amazing. Probably the best TV show I've ever seen. Omar is obviously cool as fuck but the best character is obviously Clay Davis. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT I did like the little kid that shouted "YO, TICKLE MY NUTS" at Prez though.

A true maverick.

When Attain is older and he's seen us get our arses tickled a few more times, he'll be more likely to laugh at the sheer fucking circus we are. Also, you can swear on the internet, your mum won't read it.