Ayatollah Hermione

I wouldn't worry about your English, mate, it's better than mine. Welcome.

You might so pissed our football begins to look better.

Weather's been a bit too spotty to have a proper perv sadly.

Should keep him around by having a pre-season friendly in San Francisco. Or San FranXisco as it were.

Me too. Especially with those incriminating pictures I have of Craig.

I agree that he obviously likes the club and the area but it's more a case of Ashley selling him at the first sign of a decent offer and on a footballing level, would you really want to play in the Championship? I'd love to keep him, obviously but I can't see it happening. We have an outside chance of keeping Bassong since his disciplinary record might keep some teams at bay but I think he'll move on as well. It'll be a shame for both of them since they could have easily become real fan favourites had the club kept its head screwed on.

This is all I need. A High-definition look at our fall from grace, complete with Geordie Dancer leading the away end to a touching rendition of his spacka fit as Steven Taylor claps us in time, Beye outdoes Robert and totally strips nude and cockslaps Nolan while Milner bares his arse to us. Fat kids crying, chairs ripped out and launched toward Brad Friedel, who will probably have the game of his life, those superheroes dejectedly holding ripped masks and capes all in HD. Then I'll get pissed, come round a week later to find out I've done some horrible horrible things and I'll blame Sky for having the fucking cheek to subject me to this, when I could be out and about, trying to ignore the football and could learn of our relegation through frantic sweary text messages or angry looks in the street. Instead, I am now obliged to watch our feckless twats run around and ultimately fail as we hurtle down the division. In HD. Cheers Sky.

I forgot his name was Douglas too Second name Turd.

I don't know how he manages to come here with his head held high all over again. Out of 3600 posts or whatever, I'd bet 3400 of them have been ripped apart. He just gets laced over and over. If he was a boxer, he'd have been told to retire by 1000 posts.

Beye will get snapped up by a Prem team aiming for Europe IMO. He's one of the players that are nailed on to be leaving.

You know, this does nothing for my nerves, Parky.

Dreamt that we lost and Hull drew. Can't even have us win in my own dream ffs.

This board was total shit until 16/5/08, I agree.

Thing is, I don't expect us to give them the fight needed to exploit that. We looked totally heartless against Fulham. Strange things happen on last days. I'm hoping Shearer can get a similar performance to the one at Boro out of them since this is even more important. I don't know if it was good motivation, literal kicks up the arse or cocaine nor do I care. Just get it done.

Thing is, I don't expect us to give them the fight needed to exploit that. We looked totally heartless against Fulham.

Christ, makes the final day a bit more interesting now. Surely Sunderland can't turn Chelsea over while Hull are playing a weakened Man United team and we have a chance of something against Villa. I'll be drinking that day.

Took me a while to get through your subtle layering and word-play but I got it eventually.

Poifect.

God, I remember going in Charlies Games all the time. Quality some of these.

a poll on Talksport ffs. This is a WUM that knows how to sound like a total idiot to try and wind us up

"Sending Shearer Down" Not bitter much though. Idiot.

Man United fans obssessed with our little club now. Amazes me.

Danny desperately trying to get any points on the board after the Wiki fiasco, I see.

Since we're calling refs, Rob Styles might be the most pitiful excuse for one I've ever seen. I'm sure he flips a coin for most of his decisions. The options both being red cards. Total arsehole.