Ayatollah Hermione

280 UCAS points is a load more than two B's, isn't it? I got 2 B's and an A and only got 180. That was back in the day like.

I was on a plane when he signed and it was through the night when it was officially announced. The pilot woke everybody up to tell them he'd signed for us.

Type "Alan" into Google and Shearer is before Hansen. As far as I'm concerned, that's proof he's better. Also,

I piss with my knob.

The filling looks like gravel as well.

Got Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon for a quid. I've managed to never see it, does it hold up well?

Congratulations and good luck with it all, Khay. If your uncle gets you a toaster and not a helicopter ride, cut off all contact with him.

Aye, it's very funny. Must-watch for any football fan.

Or if the media themselves had spent a couple of years inventing some cliches.

So, if Enrique gets injured, we have Perch and three youth players to back him up? I hope he comes along well anyway.

Well, he could work for Talksport if things don't work out. Which they won't.

Turn to Page 4 to continue through the doors Turn to Page 51 to turn on your heels and go home

The Weezer cover is amazing. I might buy it on vinyl and put it on my wall. Is that Maximum Balloon album good, Chez?

Shut up, you great big fat fucking cheese wheel.

Biffy Clyro's newest. Wow. Sub-Snow Patrol ballads, woeful lyrics, terrible riffing, shit vocals. Music that only unadjusted teenage girls could find any emotion in. This lot used to be good as well.

We aren't even close to signing him yet. A fee has just been agreed with Marseille, that is all. This has to agree terms, pass his medical et al. Have you been following the story at all? He's desperate to come to England so I can't see terms taking too long to be sorted. Who's to say a club in a much better state doesn't also agree a fee with Marseille in the next few days? Better clubs than us have come in and time and again, he's said he wants a move to England.

We aren't even close to signing him yet. A fee has just been agreed with Marseille, that is all. This has to agree terms, pass his medical et al. Have you been following the story at all? He's desperate to come to England so I can't see terms taking too long to be sorted.

£6 million is 7 million euros.

And then we have Ryan Taylor to deliver them

I think Hughton is hoping Nolan will get a few again or that the midfield will be able to chip in. I doubt he's sitting there thrilled with the prospects up front but who's going to take some of the shite off our hands?

I laugh whenever Sky advertise THE GRAND RETURN of Monday Night Football like anyone missed watching a shite game of football on a Monday night.

Very happy with that. Hope this doesn't make Ashley think he can do fuck all for the rest of the window though.

hopefully that's the case. As we really need another winger in the squad. Jonas and Wayne will not be fit all season. Well, we've got Ryan Taylor and Xisco!

http://www.skysports.com/story/0,19528,12876_5872290,00.html That was the story in January where we put in a "derisory" offer in for Perch. Now, considering we signed him for £1.5 million, how little did we offer in January?!

The ending is great. More holes in it than our back four but very good regardless.