Ayatollah Hermione

You watch one season of The Wire and you all think you're Lester Freamon

Glad half time came there like

You theoretically win the battle in terms of numbers but Smith is so shit in possession and when it comes to pressuring that they'll eventually get plenty space. Giving Modric plenty time (if he's playing) is asking for trouble.

Packed midfield with Carroll winning long hoofs with nobody to pick them up. Just be thankful Perch isn't marking Bale.

Empty it to make space for car keys when couples come over?

Looks like Louis Walsh's bedside cabinet. Surprised you could see it with your face stuffed into the pillow. Other way round tbh. I have him singing Boyzone through feathered teeth.

Looks like Louis Walsh's bedside cabinet.

West Ham, Wolves and one of Blackpool, Wigan and Blackburn IMO. Maybe Fulham will get sucked in if they're not careful.

You can have mine. Make me an offer Can I throw my Simpsons hankies and cuff-links into the deal? You're really loved. I got day of the week socks when I was 15. FIFTEEN.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Most of them are well turned out. The men anyway.

I'm in the right mood for this to tickle me. My mate bought his a new bed for Christmas; giving a cat a Christmas present ffs, it can barely eat its food and have a shit without kicking it all over the floor. Did he wrap it up? Probably. With some tins of food inside as a surprise.

I've got a purse for my make-up, you benders.

Too busy giving it five nowt with that dwarf.

Coventry/QPR is a canny game if you've got nowt else on.

Bastard my hair is the envy of everyone.

I'm putting my foot through the telly and sending him the bill.

I'm in the right mood for this to tickle me. My mate bought his a new bed for Christmas; giving a cat a Christmas present ffs, it can barely eat its food and have a shit without kicking it all over the floor.

Jokes aside, let's not doubt the fact that Die Hard is the best movie ever made.

Could never get in to it due to the fact they're two mackems. Part of the reason I never liked Byker Grove was cos of the mackems like spuggie being passed off as geordie. The accent on Oz's gay son was annoying too. Purely Belter is the worst. I remember the teachers showing it to us all the time at school when it was end of term and all I could think about was how much they sounded like the mackem kid with glasses and the bowlcut in my Maths class.

Marcus Stewart? I get your point like but Carroll's obviously got more talent than he did, first season form aside. He's come up against some of the best centre halves in Europe this season and made them into ghosts but he's good on the deck as well and has a bit of skill. His improvement has been scary and I think he'll be a top centre forward for a good while.

Was in the toon tonight and there was this lass looking over at me every so often and talking to her mate so I thought "whey, this could be promising" since she was alreet like; her arse actually made some pissed bloke behind her point at it like he was doing a Steven Taylor impression. It went on for a while and I was getting well into thinking I was in if I went over when I noticed there was this dwarf behind me dancing to Black Eyed Peas like he was out of his mind on smack. I don't know if that's what she was looking at but I know I fucking well would be so if that lass is reading; if it was me with the long hair in front of the raving dwarf in wherever it was, I would like to see you and your arse over a drink.

Saving myself for new year where there's two parties in between going to see a gig so I'll be robbing the nearest pharmacy for what Renton recommended come 2011.

He'll flog Carroll in the summer tbh. The more goals he scores, the more his price goes up and selling him so soon after sacking Hughton is basically asking for more shit flung his way.

All except Enrique who would snap a pic and put it on Twitter. "here is xisco dick, is shit!"

Shame he'll never be any good in that time.