Ayatollah Hermione

Kim Jong Il, finding it difficult to cope with his sudden blindness whilst greeting a local businesswoman.

Been listening to Moonage Daydream constantly for a week now. I can count on less than one hand, albums that are better than Ziggy Stardust.

Looks like they're showing him round the back of a Little Chef.

Hanging's too good for them tbh. you knicked that off Twitter, didn't you. bloody bugger I did, yes. That doesn't stop it from being a highly amusing and topical quip.

Hanging's too good for them tbh.

class.

There's clips of youtube of foreign immigrants being beaten up by gangs of big 6ft4 racist twats, for the crime of being there. Renton had it right Russians are cold, calculating, soulless twats. Ivan Drago was the classic Russian. If I sound bitter I am, it's an absolute disgrace, it's like having Halle Berry (being us) in a line with Fizz, Sonya Jackson and Big Mo, and Big Mo won. It's too much to take, I can't take in justices in life it's the one thing that drives me up the wall, I'm bitter and I haven't got it in me to say well done Russia, because this is corruption at the highest level, the UN should investigate but they're corrupt twats too, the Putin change of heart to go says a hell of a lot. A country of 160m, the second super power of the world changing his plans in 18 hours. This is the worst thing I've ever seen in sport. What's with the gloves btw? *Walks to door stripped to waist* "Got your hat, Ivan? Don't forget your gloves!!" He'll have his name tattooed on his knuckles. He'll have done well to fit "Bilyaletdinov" on his knuckles.

They've spent all their money on brown envelopes so I wouldn't be surprised if their airports look like Gateshead Interchange. Seen it coming like but still, Russia ffs.

RUSSIA? They don't even have any proper fucking airports, man. Sepp Blatter's so crooked, he must sleep on a spiral staircase.

From Henry Winter on Twitter: "All the fish are sold....England look to have lost. Unconfirmed"

Kevin, you are always wrong about literally everything.

Looking over there

Nice to see Beckham turn up dressed as Patrick Swayze.

Me too

Was about to head out to work on this bastard presentation but that's been scuppered. Novelty has worn off now it's bollocking up my work.

Speaking of takeaways, my mate got a chicken parmesan thing last night that was basically a cheese and tomato pizza with a fried chicken base. They'll never fit him in the coffin, the fat bastard.

Where are you watching the coverage? Is it being televised? Might have to sack graft off sharp if it is. FIFA.com and BBC have them on, I think.

Our video should be Shearer's volley against Everton on repeat.

For the time being, Taylor and Campbell have started well so give them a run in the side for a bit. If they continue over the next two games, it'd be unfair to drop one of them for Williamson and Coloccini. I think the best partnership we have will be Coloccini/Campbell post January though as I don't think Taylor will be here much longer.

fucking shit cgi for a high concept film as well tbh. roland emmerich's obsession with disaster movies is becoming a bit tedious now There arent any more disasters left to do really. Isn't he trying to get a sequel to Independence day off the ground?? The North East Snow Disaster of 2010 could be a good one.

I'm single handedly keeping the Virgos in with a fighting chance.

From NUFC.com. No mention of mental wage packet.

Was supposed to be a meeting some kid today to work on a presentation but he's decided to stay in bed. Tart.

Have a good one pal

Trying far too hard to be offensive rather than funny. That Knight Rider skit was torture.