Ayatollah Hermione

I wonder what's the crack there. Man flu?

I always take pint glasses home as well if I like the look of them when I'm half-cut. It's a wonder the pubs in toon have any left the way we're going through them. I used to collect football stickers as well and I remember one day, my dad coming in with an entire box of them because the place he worked was distributing them (or something along those lines) and I spent about 2 hours putting them all in. Had more doublers than the entire school put together by the end like.

I'm not sure where these 4-nowt predictions are coming from. I'm going to say a score draw.

Any games on telly today?

Happy birthday pal.

Kim had become an expert at the "What Happens Next?" round on Question of Sport.

I've recently been taking the piss at Baguette Express with their "Any amount of toppings - same price" deal and today got two types of chicken, mozarella cheese, ham and some salad with garlic mayo for £2.55. I might push it to 6 toppings next time. I'm allowed to eat like a fat twat because I had Special K for breakfast btw.

Basically, you're a bit of a spastic tbh. Before you respond angrily, think what Chris Martin would do in the situation.

Kim studies his last line of defense against Godzilla with shame.

This week on "Kim's Fashion Fix", Kim will give YOU the secrets to accessorising your hats with North Korea's most fashionable coat.

Kim showing the nation's media how his urine enriches the crops.

Kim's indecisiveness was causing quite a commotion in the buffet line.

8 eager hopefuls are considered by Kim (left) for the North Korean volleyball team.

Kim personally oversaw the creation of Remonparty.org

After Kim inspected the food in the Korean Little Chef, he quipped "If I was to eat anything from here, I'd not only be Il by name!" to laughter.

"Sepp Blatter's private plane will be flying over here in a few hours, dear leader"

When Kim finally found the hat he was looking for, he was buzzing (Busan)!

You rub the lotion on the skin or else you get stoned again

After recovering from his bout of blindness, Kim was disappointed to finally see the face of his partner of 6 months.

All the Qatar sides are going to buy a bunch of 13 year old Brazilians so they can gain citizenship in time.

Kim couldn't contain his disappointment as his order for "BB guns" was sadly misheard.

Kim Jong-Il looking to get the perfect furniture for his desktatorship. (Sorry)

Kim's meeting with North Korea's top politcal advisors achieved little.

You don't have to be mad to work here but it helps to be crackers!

Things go pear-shaped as Kim attempts to lead the World's Biggest Hokey Cokey dance.