Ayatollah Hermione

8 eager hopefuls are considered by Kim (left) for the North Korean volleyball team.

Kim personally oversaw the creation of Remonparty.org

After Kim inspected the food in the Korean Little Chef, he quipped "If I was to eat anything from here, I'd not only be Il by name!" to laughter.

"Sepp Blatter's private plane will be flying over here in a few hours, dear leader"

When Kim finally found the hat he was looking for, he was buzzing (Busan)!

You rub the lotion on the skin or else you get stoned again

After recovering from his bout of blindness, Kim was disappointed to finally see the face of his partner of 6 months.

All the Qatar sides are going to buy a bunch of 13 year old Brazilians so they can gain citizenship in time.

Kim couldn't contain his disappointment as his order for "BB guns" was sadly misheard.

Kim Jong-Il looking to get the perfect furniture for his desktatorship. (Sorry)

Kim's meeting with North Korea's top politcal advisors achieved little.

You don't have to be mad to work here but it helps to be crackers!

Things go pear-shaped as Kim attempts to lead the World's Biggest Hokey Cokey dance.

Things go awry for the blind Kim as he goes shopping for a new hat.

Kim Jong Il, finding it difficult to cope with his sudden blindness whilst greeting a local businesswoman.

Been listening to Moonage Daydream constantly for a week now. I can count on less than one hand, albums that are better than Ziggy Stardust.

Looks like they're showing him round the back of a Little Chef.

Hanging's too good for them tbh. you knicked that off Twitter, didn't you. bloody bugger I did, yes. That doesn't stop it from being a highly amusing and topical quip.

Hanging's too good for them tbh.

class.

There's clips of youtube of foreign immigrants being beaten up by gangs of big 6ft4 racist twats, for the crime of being there. Renton had it right Russians are cold, calculating, soulless twats. Ivan Drago was the classic Russian. If I sound bitter I am, it's an absolute disgrace, it's like having Halle Berry (being us) in a line with Fizz, Sonya Jackson and Big Mo, and Big Mo won. It's too much to take, I can't take in justices in life it's the one thing that drives me up the wall, I'm bitter and I haven't got it in me to say well done Russia, because this is corruption at the highest level, the UN should investigate but they're corrupt twats too, the Putin change of heart to go says a hell of a lot. A country of 160m, the second super power of the world changing his plans in 18 hours. This is the worst thing I've ever seen in sport. What's with the gloves btw? *Walks to door stripped to waist* "Got your hat, Ivan? Don't forget your gloves!!" He'll have his name tattooed on his knuckles. He'll have done well to fit "Bilyaletdinov" on his knuckles.

They've spent all their money on brown envelopes so I wouldn't be surprised if their airports look like Gateshead Interchange. Seen it coming like but still, Russia ffs.

RUSSIA? They don't even have any proper fucking airports, man. Sepp Blatter's so crooked, he must sleep on a spiral staircase.

From Henry Winter on Twitter: "All the fish are sold....England look to have lost. Unconfirmed"

Kevin, you are always wrong about literally everything.