Ayatollah Hermione

Spunk-gargling turd burglar.

Embarrassing tbh.

They should bang £35 million in for Forlan. If you're going to take the piss, Mike, at least do it well.

"Significant offer" "£10m" Here, how fucking thick can one person be? Of all the players that would appease us, 1. he picks N'Zogbia and 2. puts a shite offer in to make it look like they're busy. Fuck right off.

Almanda. From Aldershot. Double swoop for him and that other Argentinian guy?

Elmander from Bolton, you mean?

Battle of the Angry Virgins.

David Craig has bought it big time - "you had to see the reaction of board members here when that request came in was accepted with VERY HEAVY HEARTS". Heavy wallets more like.

Agreed, the money isn't much good to us if we're in the Championship next season. Got to be close to getting his money back now? With fucking hope anyway.

Not saying your wrong, but Carroll could have said no. I'd bet a fiver that if there was some footage leaked of a meeting with Llambias and Carroll, that Llambias basically told him to fuck off so they could have a good drink at Aspers and spend 10% of it on some knacker from the Championship. As much as the club could and should have knocked this back, the same applies to Carroll, end of. Aye but you're the exception that sticks around when you're not wanted so you would think that.

Not saying your wrong, but Carroll could have said no. I'd bet a fiver that if there was some footage leaked of a meeting with Llambias and Carroll, that Llambias basically told him to fuck off so they could have a good drink at Aspers and spend 10% of it on some knacker from the Championship.

Anyone blames Carroll in this, they can frig right off. This transfer request shite is solely for face-saving and excuses in press conferences and statements. Feel a bit sorry for Pardew having to say it with a straight face.

Pardew press conference tomorrow will involve these phrases after we sign nobody. "An offer too good to refuse" "Written transfer request tied our hands" "Ireland's failed medical is a real shame" "Not enough time to spend the fee we received" CUNTS.

"The last hour has been bonkers. Forget the fee for a second; there was a time when #Nufc broke transfer records to sign a Geordie No.9." Caulkin

The AndyCarrollSex Twitter account is back. "Am I better than Torres? Can Torres have 74 simultaneous orgasms while doing keepy-uppies and grunting the alphabet backwards? Case closed."

Threads like these are always immense to read back on 6 month down the line. The mood swings like the ones when Shearer was appointed caretaker are amazing.

Andy Carroll pulling into the services on the M6 until he hears more.

With regards to the bust-up, it's a knocking bet that they've went to Carroll, "We're getting £35 million, now get yourself along there" without even bothering to ask what the player thinks. I bet he's getting about £70k as well.

Corrected. What do you think I meant, wooden head?

Precedent for the future if he goes

Hope he tells them to fuck off regardless

Fucking hell, man. Eyes bigger than his IQ has Ashley

"Stick to dogging in car parks and beating women up for the audacity of speaking to jocks you boring arrogant brummie bastard" I'm like Stevie's official liason fron Twitter to here.

He can have any haircut he wants now for my money.

Good summary and hard to argue with.