Ayatollah Hermione

Is that just before you get to Park Lane, and on your right there's a pub called the Park Lane. Changed since I worked there like. Bookies right beside there I stuck my biggest bet ever on, and still is to this day, on France to win the 2002 WC. It is, aye. There's a pub called Gatsbys that is right next to a fishmongers so when you go up to the toilets, it always stinks of fish. A fishmonger that smells of fish. The scruffy fuckers Top marks for reading comprehension. You absolute fucking arseache.

Hey, I was only joking with the picture lad That's of little concern. It's your attempts to lord it over fellow fans with your know-nowt patter that I'm talking about. Do your family even like you? If i was being fed those scones, I'd be on the first metro back to civilisation.

Never said it did but safe from relegation? If this was the Mackems in our position and coming out with stuff like that we'd be rightly calling them deluded and arrogant. I know but with everyone fit, we've not really looked like a relegation side at all though. I'd be more worried later on if Jose, Carroll, Tiote and Barton are fucked for long periods but we've not looked one of the worst three teams in the league this season. I don't think us saying we'll stay up is arrogant when we've not looked worse than your West Ham and Wigans of the league.

I don't think we've looked like going down like. Dropping a last minute goal against Spurs doesn't equal relegation.

127 Hours - Yeah, it's pretty good. Bit near the knuckle, mind.

Gearing myself up for some music documentaries on BBC Four. One about Paranoid by Black Sabbath, then the making of 'Darkness on the Edge of Town' then a Springsteen live performance. Going to be immense.

This page Just when you think there's nowhere left.

Can we get Stokoe as Ziggy Stardust?

We might as well run the gamut of shite in this thread.

Mike Ashley dropped his wallet.

Just borrowed it off my mate and I'm jumping in today. If it's owt like AC2, you won't see me for 6 weeks.

I spent all my time reading the first Harry Potter book as a bairn calling her 'her-me-own' It's amazing I could read in the first place.

I DEFINITELY see Sloop wearing a tweed jacket.

It's obviously in a Diner-style place. For Nazi skins Lovely with a bit of kosher dip Nazi Skins, with any filling of your choice. Now available oven baked. Gas Mark?? Nein.

I've always pictured Parky wearing a tweed jacket of sorts.

I've had Peter Ramage and Harry Kewell off Stevie alone so I don't know what to believe.

I've not been in any but we were in a club once and this kid in a dickie bow tie ffs came up and pushed me for some reason. Apparently, I'd nudged into him going past or something like that. My mate was having none of it so slapped his drink out of his hand, pulled his dickie bow tie off and punched him in one movement and he hit the deck. It was like something out of a Laurel and Hardy sketch and was well worth getting hoyed out for.

I can drink whiskey all night and I'll probably be fine but get me on shit draught lager as Alex says and I'm anyones.

Keith Moon. Without the early finish.

Well I'm being offered this position through circumstances rather than being an arselicker or being anything special. You can do it mate. Cakewalk for you I'm sure. Do it. It's 12 months away like, my only recruitment policies taking people on will be NO MUGS, NO MACKEMS and NO STUDENTS, with the test being spell pneumonia. When I'm out of Uni, I'll give you a ring. I'll even spell a harder word, it's that kind of competitive edge you need. Most of my mates went to Uni obviously all canny, but you know exactly what I mean about the typical student type. Aye, I know the type you mean, your Student Grant types. Some of which actually exist btw, that's the biggest eye opener for me. I've seen History seminars brought to a standstill while some stupid arsehole goes on about the ills of capitalism.

If I had just typed drivel like that, I would take my hands from the keyboard and put them around a shotgun under my chin.

Unless, like yourself, you kicked all the doctors out the room and got down there yourself and delivered it. Probably didn't even wear gloves.

Best first post in history?

Well I'm being offered this position through circumstances rather than being an arselicker or being anything special. You can do it mate. Cakewalk for you I'm sure. Do it. It's 12 months away like, my only recruitment policies taking people on will be NO MUGS, NO MACKEMS and NO STUDENTS, with the test being spell pneumonia. When I'm out of Uni, I'll give you a ring. I'll even spell a harder word, it's that kind of competitive edge you need.