Ayatollah Hermione

"Stick to dogging in car parks and beating women up for the audacity of speaking to jocks you boring arrogant brummie bastard" I'm like Stevie's official liason fron Twitter to here.

He can have any haircut he wants now for my money.

Good summary and hard to argue with.

This. I reckon £30m + a player or £35m and he's gone. It's mental when you think about it.

Besty taking no prisoners on Deadline Day like. We have a big lugged Geordie Jack Bauer in our mix.

Still reckon we could have found a decent left-back to cover for Enrique. Having said that, I couldn't give you a name.

I reckon Ashley and Llambias are looking at this like another gamble. String everyone along until about 11pm to see how high people will raise. I can imagine them sitting together now telling Liverpool to fuck off, hoping for an extra £5 million and so on, telling Pardew any old bollocks.

Oh fuck, my arse is going here like.

Could definitely go for one of these.

Hard times for Diddy ahead. What's he going to do in defense? Throw a party?

Antoine Sibierski was a good one.

Where's this one escaped from? The fact you have to come on here to defend yourself indicates there's an itch in your mind suggesting that you might not be better and oh no what if the scum is right and oh look kevin nolan's scored again.

Aww, diddums.

And now it's time for Alan's Robbie's funny story.

Typical Sunderland. Signing moody French wingers 10 years after we did.

I literally couldn't give two shits about Sunderland. Well done, you've spent the money you got selling your best striker. Congrats.

If Sulley Muntari is so world class, why isn't he still playing for Inter?

What a thundercunt. Would be a tad more believeable if you said you had a gallon of moonshine, Kevin.

Ripe for a Stokoeshop?

I wouldn't be standing for that like. Alpha male her back into line.

There ye go There ye are. They didn't even have to use the word paltry though, don't like that word as it makes it sound they have a figure in mind which they consider not to be paltry. I was thinking that as well. I imagine their valuation has another £5 million on it.

the man doesn't mess about. So to speak.

Nar but I will next time. What's in it? I don't know. I was just wondering if there was one. Does this count? Clicky Erm, nar. Led Zeppelin FOUR had Black Dog, you pugilist primate. I'll accept a Bron-Y-Aur Stomp cocktail being called a "Led Zeppelin III" cocktail though.

In a good one. Blasting some Motown whilst getting ready for tonight. I'll save everyone the obvious jokes by saying that I'm singing into my hairbrush and dancing in front of the mirror wearing a towel on my head.

We've been going to Chiquito's recently since the wraps are lush. Last night, they were giving out a free margarita as well and I'll be honest, I've got no idea how the Mexicans can drink that shite. Their obsession with lime in their alcohol is bordering on the piss-taking.