Ayatollah Hermione

I've had Peter Ramage and Harry Kewell off Stevie alone so I don't know what to believe.

I've not been in any but we were in a club once and this kid in a dickie bow tie ffs came up and pushed me for some reason. Apparently, I'd nudged into him going past or something like that. My mate was having none of it so slapped his drink out of his hand, pulled his dickie bow tie off and punched him in one movement and he hit the deck. It was like something out of a Laurel and Hardy sketch and was well worth getting hoyed out for.

I can drink whiskey all night and I'll probably be fine but get me on shit draught lager as Alex says and I'm anyones.

Keith Moon. Without the early finish.

Well I'm being offered this position through circumstances rather than being an arselicker or being anything special. You can do it mate. Cakewalk for you I'm sure. Do it. It's 12 months away like, my only recruitment policies taking people on will be NO MUGS, NO MACKEMS and NO STUDENTS, with the test being spell pneumonia. When I'm out of Uni, I'll give you a ring. I'll even spell a harder word, it's that kind of competitive edge you need. Most of my mates went to Uni obviously all canny, but you know exactly what I mean about the typical student type. Aye, I know the type you mean, your Student Grant types. Some of which actually exist btw, that's the biggest eye opener for me. I've seen History seminars brought to a standstill while some stupid arsehole goes on about the ills of capitalism.

If I had just typed drivel like that, I would take my hands from the keyboard and put them around a shotgun under my chin.

Unless, like yourself, you kicked all the doctors out the room and got down there yourself and delivered it. Probably didn't even wear gloves.

Best first post in history?

Well I'm being offered this position through circumstances rather than being an arselicker or being anything special. You can do it mate. Cakewalk for you I'm sure. Do it. It's 12 months away like, my only recruitment policies taking people on will be NO MUGS, NO MACKEMS and NO STUDENTS, with the test being spell pneumonia. When I'm out of Uni, I'll give you a ring. I'll even spell a harder word, it's that kind of competitive edge you need.

He still takes the piss, he just thinks he's being subtle. Because he's fucking thick.

I went through a period where I was getting 1-2 hours a night a couple of month back and I was hopeless at owt the next day but got myself out of it and have been getting 6-7 hours every night. The difference it makes, man, having a good night's kip. You wake up feeling like King Midas.

I wanted to do one like that but didn't know how. Fucking class.

I get that way too. The missus is shocked when our numbers don't come up. If you won £100m on the Euromillions, would you put a million aside for the people on this forum? My mother spends about a fiver a week on the lottery and gets precisely fuck all out of it. I might give her a challenge; every week she spends a fiver, every week, I put away a fiver and at the end of the year, we'll see who's got the more money. Barring 5 numbers or a lucky strike on the Irish, I'll win it.

Mick vs. Grammar.

Do you actually watch football? I do wonder when I'm watching your lot. Comparing him to Ardiles....Game over really. To be fair Tottenham are a good side, but anyone can beat them because they're easily bullied. Modric is overrated imo, after every game "ahv been this faakin gyyme firty eyyt yurrs, and i aint ever seen a better midfeewdur than Luuwkuh" that mug Redknapp, he's not even in their six best players in my view. Bale and VDV being their best player and JDFHAY probably most important for his goals. They won't make CL this year. VDV single handed has saved this side knock it wide to people who run fast bullshit. As opposed to smashing it long to bully boys Nolan and Carroll to cause havoc?? That's not how we play though is it, Woodenhead?

ACAB Saw a bloke with a dotted line round his neck with 'Cut Here' above it as well. Not can tell the prison/borstal spot type ones a mile off. Apparently there's a fella in Consett got a swastika on his face as well. What about that nazi who was in the paper from Croydon. He got HI HITLER tattooed on his napa, because he didn't realise it was HEIL HITLER, stuck with it for life. How Kampf!

Should post more, Stevie.

Aye, you big fucking gayer.

The Rising Sun, eh? You got a season ticket for the place? Not anymore, just signed up for weight watchers today :-( Good luck. People hammer weight watchers but I suppose it's an assistance and when you do want to 'cheat' you'll feel guilty about so have WW's to help. Some'll disagree, but you should still have a 'cheat' day every week n a half/ 2 weeks where you eat what you'd like. This'll prevent you chewin' doon on marathons or bountys in your pits of despair.(which will happen). Al the best with it. Agree ish with the cheat things. Normally when we get back from our weekly family pub night, a kebab was picked up on route. Now we just made home made kebabs with chicken so they are quite healthy, but still canny tasty. Problem is when you are on your arse all day like me, the diet has to be preety much stuck too. My mate who is a sparky can put loads of shit away but just burns it all off at work. The good thing with weight watchers is that the fact someone is going to weigh you once a week to see if you've been cheating, helps when considering temptations. You can also get to ww or slimming world for 24 weeks foc just by popping to your gp and getting a card from them. Saves about £100 plus. To be fair my metabolism will be a lot better than yours because I'm a lot younger and the older you are the more it slows down. However, I just can't get my head round people paying Weightwatchers or some other weight loss program to get them on track. Losing weight is as easy as putting it on by way of a tiny bit of intelligence. Exercise every day, don't eat more than 2,000 calories and you will lose weight without throwing money down the toilet. Going to the gym actually makes you happy as well and I bet membership is cheaper than there option, so IF YOU ARE suffering from depression it releases endorphins in to your brain which make you feel happier. I will never understand people giving weightwatchers money. The thing about the gym as well, if I burn 800 calories in the gym it means if I want to have fat bastard food, or go out and get pissed I don't put any weight on, as long as I'm regular. Very Good. Kicking mid 30's though so you are getting to that age where all these curries will start to mount up. Your also single as well which gives you a lot of freedom for extra activities such as five a side and the gym. The bottom line is a healthy diet and its pretty much that simple. Weight watchers is like the diet equivalent of patches for packing in the fags. The weekly weigh gives you that bit of extra motivation to stick to a healthier diet. (I would also refer you to the bit of my post explaining weight watchers being free for the first 24 weeks). You should give it a go. You might even find it a good place to make new friends and chat up women It's all starting to make sense now why you gan? With a wife and four kids Ive got more than enough on my plate, but getting Stevie fixed up and shagged would help him a lot imo. Story of your life I would imagine. Bastard! Was on the tip of the tongue.

My dad gans to WW and he's lost about 3 and a half stone. What I think he needed though was some motivation and some determination to stick with it but fair play to him, he's done it really well and he says they've helped him a fair bit. Whenever you read through the little magazines that they give him, it's just one big advert for their food which is all microwave meals and a load of shit basically.

Last three visitors to CT's profile in the past 4 minutes have been me, Alex and Barney Right nosey bastards

Women drivers eh?

How many accounts is this now, Danny?

That's some image. If you're feeling fucked, just go home. I think to myself "If this was a weekend and I was this bad, would I do anything?" and if the answer is no, I stay off.