Ayatollah Hermione

TickleArse Bender

Exactly. If this came out 2 weeks ago, it'd have been news for 4 days and then ultimately forgotten about. It's his own fault. Though if I could get away with it, I'd definitely plunge her.

Not real. The original Jose twitter account was a glorious one that ended far too quickly.

Someone get a close-up of the tattoo on the right. He looks like an early draft of Liam Gallagher.

Attain is too busy sitting in his room just crying to respond.

He was making noises about one more important goal and that goal was to deny most neutrals a happyish ending to the relegation battle. I'm no Blackpool fan but I'd rather they'd have stayed up than perennial shite like Wolves and Wigan. Devil's spawn IYAM.

Those Birmingham fans in fancy dress btw. I'm almost glad they went down just for that.

Not sure you can claim predicting a hangover when you're planning to be on the drink like

How do Man United get away with flogging what's basically the same kit every season?

He has got hair from the 20s like.

I'm not surprised, you ever tried catching the fuckers?

I'd have honestly told him to piss right off then head down the off license and get 6 cans.

Happy belated mate

I'm happy with 12th like but we need to build on it. If the league is the same next year, no reason we can't get 7/8th. A decent striker will do it.

Newly promoted Premier League team who has spent fuck all money and they're one point better. Oh dear.

People wil always mention 5-1 over this. And I know that annoys them more.

So it depends on other results going exactly our way More slim than real.

All promising words but we've heard them all before.

you can piss right off if you think im negotiating with their club presidente Lendoiro whatshisface again matey... Only owner to out cunt Ashley in transfer dealings.

She's a master in using that thesaurus to waffle on like.

Wasn't the talk that Bassong wanted to stay but they wouldn't give him extra wedge (since he must have been on fuck all given where we signed him from) since the £8 million was on the table?

Will be sad to see him go but really, Pardew should have been identifying a new LB since February since it's been nailed on for months that Jose's been leaving.

I'm not talking dodgy jokes, I'm on about people taking forever to/not even bothering reply to texts about organising things etc. OK I'll bite. People who moan like fuck because someone hasn't replied to a text they've sent them. See it happening all the time at work. Fucking hell, if you want an immediate answer out of someone, fucking ring them! If they can spend all day texting me total fucking shite, they can text back when it's important.

I'm not talking dodgy jokes, I'm on about people taking forever to/not even bothering reply to texts about organising things etc.

People not replying to texts.