Ayatollah Hermione

I reckon he's still signing for £8 million [/deano]

Mental. Ordered just in case.

That's going a bit far like, Stevie.

Got to say like Stevie, lime green wasn't an inspired choice for your trainers.

Not heard about a sword like. Was in there a couple of years ago and they were serving cans and bottles out of bags. Nowt off the taps. Told us to go to the offy up the road if we wanted owt they didn't have. That can't be legit can it? The lassy on the bar also had her bairn in a pram behind there Couldn't afford to pay the brewery so they took his pumps and fridges etc. Then he (ALLEGEDLY) went after his wife with a sword. Fuck knows if it's true or not but we were supposed to have a gig that got cancelled there and that was the crack from another bar manager.

Can anyone from South Shields confirm that the Cyprus got shut down because of brewery problems and that there was a sword involved somewhere?

Extreme Drifting with Ryan Dunn

You'll not get me near that.

Extreme Fisting with JK Rowling

Stevie pulling his maddest cowie face.

I'd watch it if it was called Extreme Fisting.

Maybe

Apparently I made this bet last night so I'll extend it to here. If Sunderland beat us at the SOL this year, I'll get that new awful home top with Ameobi 23 on the back of it.

I honestly have to explain to most people that the stuff I put on Twitter is a joke. People literally can't tell if things are serious without the use of smilies or LOL, JK at the end of it.

"Mother, you're alive?!" "Too bad YOU...will DIE"

I'm going to get a comic strip depicting Shearer's volley against Everton on my back.

Don't forget your cigars

What's yours?

Had she been there, Diana would have lit up the gathering with her radiant blondeness. Sitting next to old Gorby, she would have caused his birthmark to flush deeper as she leaned in to hear him speak of his wife, grasping his hand as she fixed her big blue eyes on him.

I was disappointed that they didn't show a training montage of Klitscho fighting loads of bears on a snowy mountain range somewhere.

She looks loads like my old English teacher who had an absolutely perfect arse. Just so you know.

What's his handicap?

What's the agenda, Brenda?

Scottish bastard.