Ayatollah Hermione

They wouldn’t pay 500k for Hyypia, I believe. Or they wouldn’t pay £1m and offered 500k. Something like that anyway

Fuck it, we’ll just go to Greece again

Looking at holidays for next year in this immediate post-holiday depression. Anyone been to Madeira? It’s tickling my fancy when I look at the area and food and the hotels aren’t pisstakingly expensive where we can get a good, smaller hotel and not get our eyes ripped out. Expensive when you’re there etc? Also, anyone got any unheralded places to stay in this British hellscape? Not necessarily in the sticks but coast towns/smaller cities that I may not have considered. Fancy a few days away somewhere in February

Just buy a load of Chicago Town Pizzas and send someone to McDonalds for chips

I imagine the former will be the plan but our lads are well off the boil. Barnes can score from anywhere atm but Isak and Gordon, who tortured you last year, haven’t got started yet this year

Not sure why Pearson is complaining, the club are footing the bill for his stay anyway

It would take an almighty turn around in our form for us to get something on Saturday, I wouldn’t worry

I see no sign that we want to be a possession based side tbh. I think the plan is to get up the pitch as quick as possible, either by breaking the lines with Schar/Trippier or by hitting teams on the break. That’s why it takes roughly 3 seconds of impatience before Schar is smashing 70 yard passes about the place. It’s go-go-go all the time.

Cacapa I can maybe halfway believe Allardyce with that one.

Didn’t we do all our business really early that summer too? Sure we already had the likes of Smith in when we went abroad for pre-season

Played on worse than that before ffs. Might mean some of our players can get their first touch right too

Kyle Walker What a tit

Mate, I want him to start as well but he did absolutely nowt to help us get a grip on the midfield

That hot dog (?) looks like some sci-fi afterbirth

Not having Tonali looking good when he came on either. He overhit a simple ball down the line to Murphy by about 15 yards and he was under no pressure. Nobody comes out of this looking good

I’ll always have confidence in us getting results even with dodgy performances at home tbh. All the home comforts aren’t there when we travel, obviously and it shows

It’s all well and good him getting his subs right but he is routinely setting us up badly. Whoever said he doesn’t know his best team is probably onto something. Feels like we need to move away from 4-3-3 into something else but fucked if I know what

If he can’t address this away form, he’s in serious bother IMO. It needs to improve if he wants to hit Europe

Osula brace incoming

I’d be lifting Bruno off here as well. He’s had a slow start to the season if we’re being charitable

Murphy doing something insane like breaking a sweat

You do have to wonder where a lot of the attacking patterns have disappeared to. They look like strangers and, for the first time I can remember under Howe, players don’t have an option when they have the ball. Fulham have a plan and they’ve executed it well but there’s been no response from us at all. Except to take it up the hole

Tonali on for Gordon, get Joelinton wide left would be my move.

Absolutely blatant Even the ref is feeling sorry for us

Burn and Kelly couldn’t trap a bowling ball