Ayatollah Hermione

Foden having pot shots from 20 yards out like he’s playing for Man City and will get another 5 chances in the second half. He needs to realise where he is

Sitting back and watching them ping the ball about is how you win tournaments. Holland and Southgate have researched this extensively.

Right, can we attack again now?

Dropping 20 yards further back immediately after scoring Can he not see that turning the screw will pay off in the long run where fitness is concerned?

Trent is a total passenger without the ball like. Starting to think he’s only in so Southgate can cram another defender in

Fucking get in. Brilliant from Walker. Especially considering his ankle looked snapped in two before

This pitch is an absolute shitfest. Only the second game played on it too

Being able to switch to 5 Live commentary when Jenas is on is a godsend

And then receive five texts a week for even more competitions from the fuckwits on This Morning. What a deal

The only reason Mitchell didn’t go as left back is probably because even Southgate thinks that taking 5 Crystal Palace players is taking the piss

Can’t get over his subs there tbh. After Gallagher anyway. The bloke is the kind of bloke who would pick Health and Safety regulations as his Mastermind specialist subject

Thought Kane did well second half to win some free kicks that we promptly wasted. If we see Alexander-Arnold line up in midfield against Denmark, we’ll lose. Gallagher has to be in there off the back of the second half

Takes some going to make Phil Foden look this uncoordinated

No attacking sub to try and get a second Greece 2004 is Southgate’s dream tournament

Desperately needs to address the imbalance in the side here. Wharton, Gallagher or Mainoo on the middle and Gordon out on the left would help. And he needs to do it now, not in 15 minutes

Hey man, get Trent out of that midfield. He hasn’t got a fucking clue what to do

TAA is basically a luxury that we can probably afford in the groups but I think you probably do need Gallagher in there for the knockouts (if we get there). If only to press and track runners if nothing else

“Trent” is not an international central midfielder, like. And an international tournament is not the place for him to learn on the job

Best friends with Scotland due to their shared bitterness and low life expectancy

Foden shoehorned into left wing so he can shoehorn a right back into centra midfield with a centre half or right back shoehorned in at left back. That’s how you win trophies

We should really hire an Italian set piece coach. Have they ever not been good at them?

Must admit to stealing that joke one or two times

Are Croatia shit now? Midfield looks canny on paper but they look knackered against Spain’s energy

Glad we’ve got Karius’ replacement sorted. Him and Pope could be canny for Trafford to learn from

Wonder if Andros Townsend inherited the tactics truck off his dad, Andy?