Ayatollah Hermione

If nothing counts after two minutes, we can take his goal off him

Gordon can get at “Trent” in between the commentary wanking over every long pass he knocks

Thank fuck for that. Nowt daft now

I see Slot has been on to the ref at half time

Poor from Hall, sadly

Classic Liverpool there where they couldn’t fathom being told to take a free kick from the spot in which the foul occurred. Fair play to the ref, he hasn’t let them get away with their usual cynical spoiling. Other than Van Dijk getting away with his usual shit

Not a lick of praise for Newcastle, it must be Liverpool playing shite

Laughed at Clive saying Van Dijk has been brilliant. In the space of a minute, Isak has nut megged him and got away from him before ripping the net off

Pick that fucker out Clive, you cunt

Typical. Plenty half chances and not clinical in the slightest. And that’s with these commentators willing Liverpool to score

If we sell Willock in January, we know that Guehi is on his way

Caulkin can’t even be arsed to write his twice-yearly article full of cringeworthy swearing these days

I’m saying we turn up and play well here but it’ll be a valiant defeat. Probably with some VAR bollocks thrown in as always when we play these

Metro Centre is just food and shite like Mini Golf and the Namco arcade. Not sure what they’ve got planned but I can see it becoming some family day out nonsense. The potential of Metro Land brought full

It’s a shame but, as someone who plays guitar and drums, I don’t think I’ve been in it for about a decade and that sort of sums it up. Not sure what is even in Central Arcade now but IIRC, it’s part of the Rueben portfolio so let’s hope a building that fantastic doesn’t go to waste

I’m very ready for Pep going off the rails. The bloke is a bit of a headcase when it’s going well, he’ll be smearing his shit under Grealish’s nose shortly

His total lack of self-awareness isn’t improving with age, I see

Our aimless right wing was even more painful to watch when you saw Bowen for them. What a cracking player he is and he’d have been absolutely perfect for us. Another thing we have to thank Ashley for is putting the block on that move

That swipe from Isak about sums it up, sadly. With how tight things are, we pretty much need to win on Saturday to keep in touching distance

classic Pawson non-decision while he waits for VAR to tell him what to do. Except for when he’s sending Schar off for fuck all

Wan Bissaka is also a player who seems to only ever play well against us

Gordon is having a fucking nightmare in this second half. If Wilson is anywhere near fit, he has to get on here

Amount of simple passes we’re misplacing is shocking here

Fucking hell, Newcastle Will we ever shake these shackles

Think that bench could come in very handy tonight. It’s just not happening atm