catmag

Ice-T's crazy wife is pregnant and as loopy as ever... http://www.etonline.com/news/170610_coco_already_got_her_unborn_daughter_high_heels_to_wear_out_of_the_hospital/

WTF?! Have you wet the bed?

He never uses the bloody thing - he has a cleaner! It's locked in a cupboard quietly sobbing to itself and contemplating removing it's own fuse.

My Grandma buys me a bottle of Malibu for every birthday. She's done it since I was 17

Bring it, beeyatch.

You've been middle-aged the whole time I've known you, so you'd know I guess.

I found myself drinking brandy in Spain last week and rather enjoyed it.

It's working fine for me. Gemmill is obviously viewing the board on a defective piece of electrical equipment.

You're so middle-clarse.

You were under a tree in the shade

Dave, I saw that photo on FB of you and your lovely lady at the wedding. She looked absolutely amazing and you had those stupid fucking shades on like some kind of tit! You looked like a Bee Gee.

That's probably the most accurate description of him I've ever heard. I've got a photo of him somewhere wearing those sunglasses with a shiny, sunburned heed.

The bairn just rang me. Oh man, to have that joy again without yet having experienced the disappointment. Magic stuff.

Wonder if it's in Defoe's list of demands that his PA has to wank him off after each goal he scores. Dick.

Bloody hell, he'll be hyper CT - he's 6. We took him to Harper's testimonial but he was a bit too young really and got bored. He's properly into it now, knows the rules and can reel off the entire Premiership scores at the end of each weekend. Just had a message from him dad to say he's loving it.

The bairn's first proper match. Fingers crossed for some kind of positives.

Topic title edited btw. Just to keep topic titles slightly respectable.

Oops

Sat drinking G&T on a roof terrace in a little village in southern Spain after an evening of tapas, wine and music. Bairn is sleeping, my dad is hilariously merry and all is well

Not at all! My mam and dad get loads in their garden and they're in bloody Washington - they're everywhere! Good to see that your family take the piss as much as we do CT - that was class

That sounds lush and at that price even more so. Enjoy

I haven't seen him since last Thursday man, it would be really fucking harsh for him to come home today to be met with the news that mam is swanning off to Spain for a week without him Even my dad is coming with us - god forbid we should head off to the sunshine without the local sun-worshipping black man.

Just watching the immediate aftermath of a bomb that has gone off in the middle of Bangkok in the last couple of hours. Grim

I didn't say I was taking him with me, just that I hadn't told him about it