Dr Gloom

When the police pulled Paul Gascoigne out of the bath in which he was trying to drown himself on Sunday afternoon, he was crying. It is almost two decades since the image of Gazza's tears caught the public imagination to such a degree that it could be said to have kick-started the renaissance of English football, a phenomenon which reaches its ceremonial climax in Moscow later this month. Now his latest bout of weeping marks another stage in the terrible decline of a man who once held the status of the nation's favourite clown. But that was long ago, and in any case short-lived. Gascoigne stopped being funny even before he stopped being a real footballer. If his comic turn wasn't terminated by various indiscretions into the microphones of television reporters, it ended for good and all back in 1996 with a famous Daily Mirror splash: GAZZA BEATS SHERYL BLACK AND BLUE. After that it became a tragedy. It seems horribly poignant that Gascoigne's latest escapade should have begun at the Royal Garden Hotel in Kensington High Street, the place where, so many Saturdays earlier, Alf Ramsey and his England team gathered in celebration on the night of their World Cup triumph. That was two years before Gazza was born. Now the 40-year-old ex-footballer spent this particular Saturday afternoon first having his hair dyed red at a local salon and then, apparently displeased with the result, shaving it all off. Invited to leave the hotel that night after fire alarms were said to have been activated when he smoked in his room, he moved to the Mandarin Oriental, less than a mile away, where his demands for cocaine on room service caused a certain amount of disruption. This time he took a short walk down Sloane Street to the Millennium Hotel. Behaving erratically, he checked in with a bottle of gin in his hand and was soon calling down for more. Staff were alarmed when, having ordered a steak, he rang down again to tell them to cancel the steak but to send up the steak knife. The police were called, found him trying to submerge himself in an overflowing bath, and took him to hospital. There are probably people who think that Gascoigne's story should not be viewed as a tragedy, that a man who spent more than a decade earning a top footballer's salary does not deserve the sympathy implicit in such a description after indulging in so wasteful and idiotic a lifestyle. But the real tragedy of Gascoigne's decline is how obvious it all seemed, and how those who were in a position to help him took the wrong decisions at crucial moments, while those who wanted to help were powerless. Imagine how the story might have gone if he had kept his promise to Alex Ferguson in the summer of 1988, shortly after he had been named the young footballer of the year. He intended to leave Newcastle United, and Ferguson was desperate to have him at Old Trafford. But by the time the Manchester United manager returned from his holiday, Gascoigne's advisers had agreed a deal with Tottenham Hotspur, and the player had signed. Those same advisers later negotiated his further transfers to Lazio and Rangers, both moves with spectacularly negative consequences for Gascoigne's mental equilibrium. Would Ferguson have been able to use the right length of rein to control Gazza's headstrong urges? No one will ever know, but it's hard to avoid feeling that he might have been better equipped than Terry Venables to show him the line where pranks end and self-destruction begins. Perhaps Ferguson feels relieved that the opportunity was denied him; he certainly regrets the disappearance of the opportunity to work with a player of such gifts. Is it really too late now, after so many trips in and out of rehab, for this flawed, chaotic figure to accept help and guidance from the right quarter? Can no one offer him a home, in both the concrete and the spiritual senses, where he might maintain a constructive link with the game he loves while being absolved from the deadly requirement, imposed by himself as much as by the outside world, to be Gazza? If it is true that nothing can be done, that there is no effective therapy for his madness, then one day soon the tears will be ours. http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/sport/2008/05/...ce_the_chr.html

definitely a plea for funds from ashley and an attempt to lower our expectations for next season, not a bad thing. the biggest problem is going to be finding players of a good enough ability that will want to come here.

he's clearly not good enough. commitment without ability is not enough

as long as keegan is looking at players who are or were at man city, we could do worse than look at dunne, micha richards and wright phillips

i think a chelsea/man u final would set up an intriguing end to the season - probably the most interesting title race since the year blackburn won it. plus i couldn't bear it if liverpool won it again. (not least from my plastic reds supporting older brother). and can you imagine the number of fights kicking off over there if they met in the final?

"and there will be dancing on the streets of total network solutions" stelling = legend

before it was all seater, anfield could hold well over 50,000. i think its record attendance is something like 70,000

nice to see us being linked with players before the transfer window opens instead of the last week or two before it shuts as usual. it would be class if keegan manages to get most of his new signings in before they report back for preseason training.

If he does sign he'll probably break his leg at Euro 2008. So true! Yes agreed. QFT! hmmm remember when we signed hotshot Guivarch Aye I was delighted when he went not just for being shit neither, me dad has the most annoying habit ever in life in that he deliberately gets players names wrong, and he knows it pisses me off, he used to call him "Gurridge" it used to drive me up the wall. A better example of someone coming after a championships is Albert. Your dad obviously sussed early on it doesnt take much to wind you up

a front 2 of henry and martins with owen in the hole would be pretty tasty. never going to happen though is it? he'd walk into most champions league clubs' starting eleven

another scoop from brian oliver

gemmil won't be happy

shocking player. i often wonder how different things might have been under sir bobby if we didn't have titus and o'brien at the back. a solid back four with the players in front of them and we might have done even better than 3rd-5th finishes

what about hissing?

good. he's been absolute gash

i'd like to see chelsea win the champions league. i can't understand why he's getting such a hard time. it seems crazy that a manager with a great record would get the sack because he lacks the charisma of his predicessor - i can't see why else he would lose his job tbh.

Spot on. actually, the media often underestimate what the players actually earn. You do talk some shite Dan. whatever man Give me an example then smartypants. Talk to the hand etc. well i know for a fact that luque was on about double what the chronicle was reporting. that's why it took us so long to shift him and why he was so comfortable sitting on his arse for two years topping up his pension fund

Spot on. actually, the media often underestimate what the players actually earn. Really? yes. if you knew a premiership agent, you'd know that some of the wages that even average players earn are ridiculous. most of what is reported in the tabloids is guess work and often way out - both higher and lower.

Spot on. actually, the media often underestimate what the players actually earn. You do talk some shite Dan. whatever man

Spot on. actually, the media often underestimate what the players actually earn.

Shut up you cock. I wish we had no foreign fans me, especially this cunt.

Transfer fees quoted in English tabloids are always mental and probably even make foreign clubs believe they can demand those prices. A couple of weeks Deco was rated to be worth 15m quid in the English press, but only 8m Euro (!) in Germany when linked with Bayern. that's cos we've got loadsamoney

i'd disagree there. i think barton is a very average - he's slow and doesn't score goals.

i think bullard would be a canny signing. he's probably the best standard english player we're going to attract these days. i'd take him over a dodgy johnny foreigner sniffing a final pay day. agree it would be disappointing if he was the best of our summer buys but he'd certainly be an improvement on the likes of smith, geremi and barton in midfield.