Rayvin

Actually not a bad suggestion.

Leave me alone man, I have issues

Sorry...

Take the permanent job and continue looking for something better IMO. At least you'll be earning better money, and will have the job security.

I don't disagree, but it seems to help people come to terms with themselves to a degree. Learning the first time around that I was an Extrovert had quite an impact on me actually, and forced me to confront some aspects of my personality that I didn't think existed.

The highlighted bit there is a good point tbh, I was thinking earlier that I should have opened this up to positive psychological traits as well. That's open for discussion too IMO. With respect of your own self assessment here, I'll hold my hands up and admit I was probably projecting after all then. I do wonder what it is about not being successful that gets to you though. I'm pretty consistent on diplomacy throughout life, you're right there. I don't generally come away wishing I'd been more assertive unless I'm buying something and feel I've been ripped off by not forcing the issue. In interpersonal matters, much as I hate to say it, I'm a bit of a wordsmith - I can usually obtain my desired outcome whilst maintaining diplomacy. Quite a feminine trait I understand (though it could just be my mother), and I have mixed feelings about it. I suspect not having a present male role model for my formative years made me like this. Ultimately though I'm half proud of the fact I'm able to do it, and half ashamed that I'm hiding my true feelings but still getting my outcomes. Feels dishonest but I've learned that it works.

Thanks for continuing with the discussion. And now that you've noted other aspects here, I agree that the big fish small pond thing doesn't accurately cover it. Almost sounds like a motivational issue in general... not a fear, as such? Could be projecting here, so apologies if so, but you're pretty hard on yourself generally - or you seem to be. You've made a point here (and have done so before) of noting that you're 'intellectually inferior' to certain people on here, and I've seen you state that you know very little about certain issues before talking quite confidently on them. I don't believe you do think you're intellectually inferior to anyone for one thing, but may be trying to moderate yourself so as to appear more socially acceptable? Again, group approval, if so, and possibly learned behaviour from childhood. I have a similar issue with apologies - I will apologise for things and moderate my views because it's a quicker way to group approval. I hate confrontation because I feel like it puts the surrounding community in the position of having to choose between sides, and fear being on the wrong side. I also worry that the person I'm on a confrontation with may not be able to handle my criticism of them, and that such a discussion may harm them personally as a result, which isn't an outcome I'd want. That might be pathological altriusm though, thinking about it. To be honest, posting on here has helped me to work through the first point, which is one of the reasons I like this place. Good for exchange of ideas. With respect of Wolfy, I think it was all going fine for the first few posts, and I even thought that this was something we might all find some common ground on - but truth bombs never work IMO, and it's not like you can form a full picture of someone from just the parts of themselves that they're revealing in a handful of internet posts. EDIT - I just noticed I apologised in this post before my bit on apologies FFS.

I'm not going to say one way or the other whether I think you've summed up Fish there, as only he can know that, but as brash as this commentary is, aspects of it sum me up.

Debate is healthy and I basically agree is useful in working through stuff like this, but at the same time these are likely to be sensitive issues and some tact about them is probably helpful for keeping conversation going. Interestingly, your approach to working through this stuff is probably characteristic of an ENTJ or something like that. Things must be said in whatever way they have to be said, irrespective of people's feelings. But that won't work if you're talking to someone who doesn't operate on the same level.

Big fish, small pond then? I get that. Actually that would suggest your value of your own self comes from how others view you/how you measure up against others. So, while you're comparing yourself to them favourably, you feel little need to push on. And... maybe you remove yourself from situations where you won't be compared so favourably (due to lack of experience on talk shows or whatever) so that you can maintain the sense of self worth. I guess the problem there is that you never end up knowing your own limits if you keep the pond small.

I would not have worked this out until kill 49 so thanks for this also You've saved me from jumping up and down in the EDZ like a lunatic.

Wolfy may have a point here though tbf. It might be changeable to a degree dependent on the environment we're in. Also, maybe extroverts are out talking to people IRL rather than posting online?

You and I are scarily similar Right down to the Meyers Briggs test results (my professional setting one, at least). What do you fear in the failure? The thing is, I don't think fear of failure in itself can ever be the root cause - you could think it would have to be about the consequences of that failure in some way. I saw an article in the Guardian today about imposter syndrome, could it be that? You might get "found out"?

Yeah, a lot of that sounds familiar. Are you sure your issue is that you're afraid of failure and it's not just one of not being sufficiently stimulated though? What makes you think the concern is failing?

Renton shared one where he was the interviewee. You could perhaps draw a conclusion here that we're sharing stories that put us in positions of power in order to make the sharing easier though?

Aye. There was an occupational psychologist who was with us for a while who would stare at you intensely while making assessments. I had her sit in with me while I was interviewing someone once and I could feel her eyes boring into the side of my head. I ended up forgetting how to speak on several occasions because it made me so uncomfortable.

This could also be true, and might explain my erratic test results

Admittedly I kind of whizzed through this, but I got ISFP from this one - which is totally at odds with my previous one from a professional setting, which came up with ENFP. Kind of makes me think I have a 'professional self' and a 'normal self'.

Same. I did the Meyers-Briggs test a while back for professional reasons and was rather stunned to find that I scored quite highly as an extrovert. I don't come across that way in normal life (except possibly in conversation with someone I know well). I'm sure therefore that the introversion is a learned survival response based on something bad in the past. It's interesting how we characterize our 'unique' psychological hang ups as fears, IMO. In most cases that is. Fear of failure, fear of public humiliation, fear of eye contact, etc. I wonder if fear is a bigger influence on our lives than something like hope or the pursuit of happiness.

Run that past me again, not sure I get it? What do you mean by shots? Agree with your earlier post on public speaking by the way. If I believe that no one can see me, I feel more confident. I much prefer driving at night for this reason.

Thanks for this, you've probably saved me an hour or so here!

While this is kind of amusing when told like this, it must also get quite annoying for you? Are you shy generally as well or is it just this one thing? Same for CT I guess.

Does the failure one come from a specific incident where failing had particularly bad consequences, or were you raised in a high pressure environment? I share aspects of the attention craving stuff too I think but it conflicts with my fear of being shown up - between the two concerns, I might actually come across as balanced (although in reality, both things are stressful for me).

You won a trials match? How did it compare to normal crucible?