Rayvin

As Wolfy says mind, I kind of think it's normal to always be striving for more. It seems to be hardwired into us. That said, yeah, sleepless nights over it aren't a good thing. Do you have a sense of self worth outside of your career? If you were sacked tomorrow and had to start all over again could you handle it? Cos maybe increasing your sense of value in other aspects of your life would mitigate the stress you feel over this one...? Having said that, I haven't found the answer to 'what makes life worth living' if it isn't 'just keep succeeding'. So what the fuck do I know

Not sure on the name but it's the one with the drones that electrify platforms while the boss runs around trying to close range fight you and cloaking. The fallen are the enemy. Apparently you don't heal normally, and the only way to proceed is to kill enemies so that they produce light, which you can then stand in and heal yourself with. But doing that while trying to avoid electrified platforms and fighting a close range boss sounds like a challenge.

On the second one you've mentioned, how do you perform career wise relative to your peer group? Just wondering if it's an external pressure or an internal one. Arguably not a bad thing mind you, if you're ambitious and have goals for the future. Admittedly, it does rather make it difficult to ever find a sense of contentment...

Apparently the Nightfall this week is fucking brutal a team from our clan tried it last night at levels 285, 293 and 295. Took them 4 attempts and they managed it in the end with 40 seconds left. I asked if I could try it with them tonight and was told they're not going back to that one ever again

Sounds like a story behind that...?

To make it brief, your position is that we're all much of a muchness, and that we simply morph our personalities to fit the requirement we need to meet, in the same way that liquids fill the container they're placed in? I guess I can agree with aspects of that, although obviously some people are more successful at certain things than others, due to their personality and outlooks. I'm probably one of the people you refer to who actively avoids being himself, hence my overeagerness to please other people and to moderate myself. Have always considered it a survival mechanism (and I kind of think it is) because I lack the inherent trust in society that if I am to be 'myself', I will be accepted for it. Obviously it's not healthy though. I've been thinking more recently that I should maybe start talking to someone about this stuff, as it bothers me to think there's a more well rounded version of myself potentially available to me that I'm simply refusing to allow the existence of by failing to take action over it.

So you need big goals and realistic chances of achieving them - small ones which could be seen as stepping stones turn you off certain plans? There's bound to be a term for thinking in this way. Aside from personal psychology, as a group I would argue we're trained to commodify time and measure our successes or failures based on the perception of whether or not what was achieved in a certain period of time was in keeping with the time spent. I think this is why so many non-gamers find it frustrating when their partners are playing video games - the gamer gets something out of it based on the time put in, but it has no tangible benefit outside of their own personal satisfaction, so it's hard for anyone external to consider it time well spent.

Managed to hit 281. Seems to be easier to force your way to a degree from 280 since you can apply the armor mods so readily. Plenty of clan stuff to do this week by the looks. Going to target to be 290 by next Tuesday.

Actually not a bad suggestion.

Leave me alone man, I have issues

Sorry...

Take the permanent job and continue looking for something better IMO. At least you'll be earning better money, and will have the job security.

I don't disagree, but it seems to help people come to terms with themselves to a degree. Learning the first time around that I was an Extrovert had quite an impact on me actually, and forced me to confront some aspects of my personality that I didn't think existed.

The highlighted bit there is a good point tbh, I was thinking earlier that I should have opened this up to positive psychological traits as well. That's open for discussion too IMO. With respect of your own self assessment here, I'll hold my hands up and admit I was probably projecting after all then. I do wonder what it is about not being successful that gets to you though. I'm pretty consistent on diplomacy throughout life, you're right there. I don't generally come away wishing I'd been more assertive unless I'm buying something and feel I've been ripped off by not forcing the issue. In interpersonal matters, much as I hate to say it, I'm a bit of a wordsmith - I can usually obtain my desired outcome whilst maintaining diplomacy. Quite a feminine trait I understand (though it could just be my mother), and I have mixed feelings about it. I suspect not having a present male role model for my formative years made me like this. Ultimately though I'm half proud of the fact I'm able to do it, and half ashamed that I'm hiding my true feelings but still getting my outcomes. Feels dishonest but I've learned that it works.

Thanks for continuing with the discussion. And now that you've noted other aspects here, I agree that the big fish small pond thing doesn't accurately cover it. Almost sounds like a motivational issue in general... not a fear, as such? Could be projecting here, so apologies if so, but you're pretty hard on yourself generally - or you seem to be. You've made a point here (and have done so before) of noting that you're 'intellectually inferior' to certain people on here, and I've seen you state that you know very little about certain issues before talking quite confidently on them. I don't believe you do think you're intellectually inferior to anyone for one thing, but may be trying to moderate yourself so as to appear more socially acceptable? Again, group approval, if so, and possibly learned behaviour from childhood. I have a similar issue with apologies - I will apologise for things and moderate my views because it's a quicker way to group approval. I hate confrontation because I feel like it puts the surrounding community in the position of having to choose between sides, and fear being on the wrong side. I also worry that the person I'm on a confrontation with may not be able to handle my criticism of them, and that such a discussion may harm them personally as a result, which isn't an outcome I'd want. That might be pathological altriusm though, thinking about it. To be honest, posting on here has helped me to work through the first point, which is one of the reasons I like this place. Good for exchange of ideas. With respect of Wolfy, I think it was all going fine for the first few posts, and I even thought that this was something we might all find some common ground on - but truth bombs never work IMO, and it's not like you can form a full picture of someone from just the parts of themselves that they're revealing in a handful of internet posts. EDIT - I just noticed I apologised in this post before my bit on apologies FFS.

I'm not going to say one way or the other whether I think you've summed up Fish there, as only he can know that, but as brash as this commentary is, aspects of it sum me up.

Debate is healthy and I basically agree is useful in working through stuff like this, but at the same time these are likely to be sensitive issues and some tact about them is probably helpful for keeping conversation going. Interestingly, your approach to working through this stuff is probably characteristic of an ENTJ or something like that. Things must be said in whatever way they have to be said, irrespective of people's feelings. But that won't work if you're talking to someone who doesn't operate on the same level.

Big fish, small pond then? I get that. Actually that would suggest your value of your own self comes from how others view you/how you measure up against others. So, while you're comparing yourself to them favourably, you feel little need to push on. And... maybe you remove yourself from situations where you won't be compared so favourably (due to lack of experience on talk shows or whatever) so that you can maintain the sense of self worth. I guess the problem there is that you never end up knowing your own limits if you keep the pond small.

I would not have worked this out until kill 49 so thanks for this also You've saved me from jumping up and down in the EDZ like a lunatic.

Wolfy may have a point here though tbf. It might be changeable to a degree dependent on the environment we're in. Also, maybe extroverts are out talking to people IRL rather than posting online?

You and I are scarily similar Right down to the Meyers Briggs test results (my professional setting one, at least). What do you fear in the failure? The thing is, I don't think fear of failure in itself can ever be the root cause - you could think it would have to be about the consequences of that failure in some way. I saw an article in the Guardian today about imposter syndrome, could it be that? You might get "found out"?

Yeah, a lot of that sounds familiar. Are you sure your issue is that you're afraid of failure and it's not just one of not being sufficiently stimulated though? What makes you think the concern is failing?

Renton shared one where he was the interviewee. You could perhaps draw a conclusion here that we're sharing stories that put us in positions of power in order to make the sharing easier though?

Aye. There was an occupational psychologist who was with us for a while who would stare at you intensely while making assessments. I had her sit in with me while I was interviewing someone once and I could feel her eyes boring into the side of my head. I ended up forgetting how to speak on several occasions because it made me so uncomfortable.