Sonatine

Thought the guy in the picture was that Andrew Tate melt for a moment.

Get the cunt told lads!

Brendan Rodgers been given the old Spanish archer from Leicester apparently.

I'm sure most of us has done that watching one of his vids tbf

Like reading a modern day Beowulf

Odds on that barricade is to keep folks away from a monster turd that seat-shitter lad has just laid down.

Write a screenplay based on the fantasies William Storey has about his non-existent wealth and his attempts to buy Sunderland Football Club while deluding their gullible fanbase. Title: The Sunderland Hustle FADE IN: EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY We are introduced to WILLIAM STOREY, a flamboyant businessman in his mid 40s, standing outside his upscale apartment complex in London. He is dressed impeccably and his demeanor oozes confidence. WILLIAM (to himself) Today's the day I finally buy Sunderland Football Club and become the owner of my very own Premier League team. He chuckles to himself and walks off. EXT. SUNDERLAND'S STADIUM - DAY We see William walking up to the stadium, where several excited fans are gathered outside. WILLIAM (to the fans) Hello, Sunderland fans! I have some exciting news for you. (pauses) As you all know, I'm an extremely wealthy man, and I'm here to buy your beloved football club. The fans are taken aback by this announcement but start clapping and shouting in approval. FAN #1 (loudly) Thank God! We've been wanting new owners for ages. WILLIAM (smiling) I understand the struggles of being a small club, but rest assured, I have the financial resources and the vision to take this team to the top of the Premier League. FAN #2 (interjects) What's your plan, William? William pauses dramatically before responding. WILLIAM (looks directly at the camera) It's quite simple, really. I will use my immense wealth to attract the best possible players, coaches and staff. We will soon be a force to reckon with in the league. The fans erupt in cheers and the camera fades out. EXT. A LUXURY HOTEL - NIGHT William is seen sitting in the hotel lounge with his financial advisor, JOHN. WILLIAM (to John) So, what's the deal? How much do we need to make this happen? JOHN (skeptically) Sorry to break it to you, William, but we are way out of our league. Sunderland Football Club's valuation is over £100 million, and your net worth is barely a fraction. William starts to sweat nervously. WILLIAM (defiantly) I won't let this stop me. I have to make this deal happen to fulfill my wildest dream. JOHN (sighing) Well, we could try to raise some funds, but it'll take many months of hard work, and there is no guarantee we will be successful. WILLIAM (apathetically) That's not an option. I need to make a big splash right now. I know, I'll just use my charm and negotiation skills to convince the current owner to sell the club for a discount. JOHN (skeptical) That's highly unlikely, but I guess we could try. EXT. SUNDERLAND'S STADIUM - DAY William is seen standing outside the stadium entrance with the current owner, ELLIS SHORT. WILLIAM (convinced) Ellis, I'm here to offer you a fair deal for Sunderland Football Club. I know it's been a tough season, and you should pass it to capable hands, like mine. ELLIS (unsure) I appreciate your offer, but I'm not interested in selling it for a discount. WILLIAM (slyly) I completely understand. But, what if I offered you a significant chunk of my non-existent fortune in exchange for the club? Ellis raises an eyebrow, intrigued. ELLIS (reserved) That's a bold claim, William. Let me think about it. William nods, feeling confident. INT. WILLIAM'S APARTMENT - DAY William is seen pacing nervously in his apartment while talking on the phone. WILLIAM (frustrated) What do you mean we don't have the funds? I thought we agreed on this! JOHN (panicked) I'm sorry, William, but the investors pulled out. We are back to square one. William slumps onto his couch, defeated. INT. SUNDERLAND'S STADIUM - DAY William and Ellis are sitting inside the club's boardroom. ELLIS (sighing) I don't think this is going anywhere, William. You don't seem to have the financial muscle to pull this off. WILLIAM (defeated) You're right. I thought I could make it happen, but it was all just a fantasy. Ellis nods and pats William's back. ELLIS (smiling) Don't worry, William. You gave it your best shot. (pauses) In fact, I'm impressed by your determination. Why don't you stay on as a board member? You could help us take the club forward. William looks at Ellis, realizing he finally achieved something. WILLIAM (grinning) I would love that! Thank you, Ellis. FADE OUT.

They lose a fair wedge from the locals bringing in their own cheese slices tbf.

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🎵 I am William Storey, and there's bullshit to be told I am William Storey, and my kegs are full of mold 🎶