Sonatine

Team News- Chelsea v Newcastle (15:00 GMT) John Terry - who had played every minute of the Premier League season - is not in the Chelsea squad at all as Frank Lampard starts. Newcastle hand a first start to striker Luuk de Jong. Chelsea XI: Cech; Ivanovic, Cahill, D Luiz, Azpilicueta; Matic, Lampard; Willian, Oscar, Hazard; Eto'o. Newcastle XI: Krul; Debuchy, Williamson, S.Taylor, Dummett; Anita, Santon; Ben Arfa, Sissoko, Sammy Ameobi; de Jong

Another weather update from UKIP....

I can just imagine him sitting in a chair, shouting those words out like a non-Irish version of Father Jack ​

Joe Kinnear resigns as Newcastle United's director of football after overseeing transfer window flops Feb 04, 2014 01:35 By Simon Bird http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/joe-kinnear-resigns-newcastle-uniteds-3109902#ixzz2sLIJTJjT Follow us: @DailyMirror on Twitter | DailyMirror on Facebook The controversial figure jumped before being pushed by owner Mike Ashley, after the club failed to sign any players on permanent deals since he took charge Kinnear is the fall guy for a January transfer window in which Newcastle banked £20million from selling Yohan Cabaye, but could not launch a serious bid to sign top targets Clement Grenier or Remy Cabella. Kinnear had become a figure of ridicule inside Newcastle frustrating colleagues with boasts he was about to meet world famous players, or spend £20m, before delivering nothing. A serial loser of his mobile phone, which was often found with dozens of missed calls from agents, Kinnear’s unsuitability for the role of top level deal maker soon became apparent to Ashley. While Newcastle had a top scouting network led by Graham Carr, who earmarked who to sign, Kinnear could only manage to bring in Loic Remy and Luuk De Jong on loan. He has been a divisive figure since his arrival in June when he infuriated leading players including Cabaye and Hatem Ben Arfa by mis-pronouncing their names in a live radio interview. Cabaye hit back last week saying he had not received an apology, or spoken a word, to Kinnear. Kinnear had also been warned to stay well away from the training ground by manager Alan Pardew amid fears he would interfere in the running of his team and act as a spy for Ashley. The pair met privately to thrash out the terms of Kinnear’s job and it seems he kept his word not to poke his nose into team affairs. The frustration within St James’ Park at Kinnear’s lack of qualifications for a role that he claimed gave him ultimate power over all footballing matters, filtered back to Ashley, and it is likely he played a part in his drinking pal’s “resignation.” Pardew will also be glad to see the back of Kinnear, and he will not be keen for an accomplished football deal-maker to be installed to help him and Carr rebuild the squad in the summer when at least three major signings will be required. Appointing Kinnear was one of Ashley’s biggest mistakes and has helped stall any progress this season, and many will be wondering if former MD Derek Llambias will return to the club at some point.

https://twitter.com/EveningChron/status/430603628374544384/photo/1

Newcastle are profoundly unsatisfactory George Caulkin February 03 2014 17:02PM Profoundly unsatisfactory: Newcastle United’s vapid, hollow-eyed performance in the Tyne-Wear derby. Profoundly unsatisfactory: selling Yohan Cabaye, without question their most accomplished player, and failing to replace him. Profoundly unsatisfactory: successive transfer windows without a single permanent signing. Profoundly unsatisfactory: two words which could sit beneath the club crest. “Profoundly unsatisfactory”: a phrase employed by a Premier League tribunal in October 2009, which found in favour of Kevin Keegan’s claim for constructive dismissal against Mike Ashley’s Newcastle and which now, five years later, is in their DNA. Defeat to Sunderland can cloud the eyes, befuddle the brain and inflame emotion, but not this time. More than anything else, it felt like another quiet, lonely death. “The cathedral on this hill” was how Sir Bobby Robson used to refer to St James’ Park, perched on Gallowgate’s elevation, visible from most approaches to the city, but that was before the bulldozers moved in and a cavernous warehouse was erected in its place. Newcastle did not participate in a game on Saturday, not really. They were a 90-minute advertisement for Sports Direct and Wonga. They are a works’ team, with better perks. The extraordinary thing is that Newcastle remain eighth in the Barclays Premier League and players and staff are fulfilling their brief. They are on course for a bonus. There have been worse moments in their history, not least the toxic season which followed Keegan’s departure, and episodes when they have danced towards oblivion or irrelevance, but have they ever been this transparent? Have they ever felt this empty? Eighth and on target, but out of both domestic cups which, more and more, feels like betrayal of history (“Our primary aim and focus has to be the Premier League,” is the official, joyless mantra). Eighth, but rejecting the chance to reinvest, regroup and, with a bit of luck, kick on. Eighth, but three-time losers to their local rivals. Eighth and apparently content with that. Eighth and leading the race for eighth. Eighth and pointless. Communication with supporters is measly, bombastic, deflating or contradictory. Joe Kinnear, the director of football, says “judge me on my signings,” and then makes none. Directors to a fans’ forum in September: “the club confirmed that money was available.” Alan Pardew: “you can’t lose a player of (Cabaye’s) quality and not replace him.” Pardew at the weekend: “I didn’t particularly say in this window, though.” Whether or not Newcastle refurbish their squad this summer (there is no evidence they are capable of it), an opportunity has been forsaken and there is no guarantee that results, fortune or circumstances will fall for them next time. Momentum is everything, as Sunderland have shown, and Pardew has lost his biggest player and personality, not that it excuses the paucity they mustered against Gustavo Poyet’s team. Sunderland fans might dispute the tone of this. If you want desperation, try two relegations with record-low point tallies. Try Paolo Di Canio and taking root at the foot of the table for half a season. They would have a case, but Newcastle’s recent narrative is of a soul’s slow corrosion, peppered with some surges and decent football. Cups? Not a priority. The Europe League? No, no, no, no, not at any cost. A hole, which a club once filled. On Wearside, mistakes are legion and perhaps there will be more, but errors have been corrected with a stunning brutality. Di Canio was dismissed 13 games into a two-and-a-half year contract. Roberto Di Fanti, Kinnear’s equivalent, lasted a few months. At Newcastle, Kinnear is associated indelibly with relegation, but is given another job and greater responsibility. He is still there, when nothing suggests he is qualified for it. There was no affection in this space for Ashley’s predecessors and there is no mourning for them now. The money they spent was not theirs, their stewardship made wealthy men wealthier and an institutionalised arrogance brought interference and vanity signings ahead of growth and improvement. Their departure was overdue, but there is one area of empathy; when they made an appointment, I don’t dispute that it was with a view to winning something. Some came close, although a majority were a queasy fit and Newcastle’s quicksand foundations and financial overreaching were deep flaws and fissures. Partially through his own missteps, Ashley has offered some correction and there was a worth to Derek Llambias seeking “stability” through self-sufficiency, a strict transfer model and long-term contracts, although the byproduct was often hateful (Sports Direct Arena, Wonga). One argument – and it is a powerful one – is that any notion of stability was blown away from the second that Kinnear blundered into Newcastle saying that all criticism of him was “water off a duck’s arse,” and promising “I’ve got my finger in the pie halfway around the world.” Another is that this is where stability gets you. Eighth, with Ashley knowing that he can do what he wants, pretty much, and people will still turn up. If you care for Newcastle, Sunderland was unacceptable; for a fixture which carries a clout far beyond the rational, there was no sense of a team. Just 11 untethered men. In isolation, there was “a criminal lack of commitment and talent,” as nufc.com put it, which reflects poorly on Pardew, but the wider picture is of “an overwhelming sense of gloom across Tyneside following the sale of Yohan Cabaye and completely predictable failure to sign a replacement.” A month or so earlier, Newcastle lost 2-1 at home to Cardiff City in the FA Cup and for the entirety of the day – before, during and after – they felt like a beaten club. There were 31,000 supporters inside the stadium (smaller crowds were widespread, admittedly) and apathy was entrenched. The league had won, Sky had won, Ashley had won, just get it over with and move on. That experience was profoundly unsatisfactory, too. Ashley has staunched his losses, but his Newcastle is without direction, where relationships are risibly brittle and where nobody will take him on. Where the chief scout scouts players the director of football does not buy and where the manager makes do, unable or unwilling to criticise, the only public face of a dysfunctional business. Where they can all point to the table and claim they are doing their jobs. A profoundly unsatisfactory eighth. It is one of those dilemmas that shovels lead in the pit of supporters’ stomachs, because Newcastle may be a difficult club to love, but they are even more difficult to forsake. And, when it comes down to it, they should not have to do. When Keegan arrived for his first spell as manager, the first thing he did was fumigate the dressing-rooms. They need another Keegan. They need a fumigator.

George Caulkin having his say now... http://blogs.thetimes.co.uk/section/the-game/107597/newcastle-are-profoundly-unsatisfactory/?shareToken=e76a4c07c746972504cb04e7980b380c

Simon Bird getting it spot on here.... http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/newcastle-united-alan-pardew-must-3108255#.Uu-tT_l_t8F

http://sport.bt.com/sportfootball/football/englishfootball/barclayspremierleague/newcastle-have-been-sold-down-the-river-tyne-S11363872189882

Nothing else about him is, tbf

Sympathy for Pardew? You're having a laugh

Thought he was fantastic in Capote

George Caulkin ‏@CaulkinTheTimes15m First time Safc won/Nufc lost 3 derbies in a row since 1923. Every bit as comfortable/uncomfortable as scoreline suggests Cheers Pards

George Caulkin ‏@CaulkinTheTimes9m Jesus. Wonga clapperboards on every seat. #football

Good lad that Caulkin fella

http://www.buzzfeed.com/kimberleydadds/iconic-famous-people-re-imagined-as-star-wars-characters-is 1. Michael Jackson as Wicket the Ewok.

Soon be time for Jim White to whip himself up into a frenzy. He's aged well tbf