Meenzer

I don't see 12 eligible young men, a paddling pool and copious supplies of oil, so I beg to differ.

Reet. This would seem a good moment for me to pop to Tesco, I imagine most of the degenerate population of Lewisham will be in front of the gogglebox right now.

Lizette Pålsson & Bizazz - I'm In Paradise

Les Fatals Picards - L'amour à la française

I think having an operation is taking a practical joke a bit far tbh. Maybe - but you're still laughing... In all seriousness, hope it all gets sorted - at least I won't have him crowing this year about how he skinned me at the 5-a-side... Just about how he would have done if he'd been fit. EDIT: Oh aye, and get well soon you big lanky johnny.

Cuh. I have been known to successfully ignore a lady's bottom wiggling right in my face while playing pool (her, not me) in the Trent. A bit of self-control, man!

You can get a cream for that.

Holtz - Leaving New York

I was having a look around at a few estate agents when I was up over the weekend, since there's no chance I'll be able to afford anything in London when the time comes. Doubt I can persuade the better half to leave the big smoke for the banks of the Tyne, but I thought it was worth a look if only for information purposes, to get a feel for how things are in a "provincial" city (if that doesn't sound excessively patronising). It was just as depressing as down here though. My parents moved out of their old house in 1997 and got a decent price for it; now you'll pay the same amount for one-third of the same building. Gaah.

1. I'm done with work for the week... 2. ...and just about to head to the station to see if any trains are actually running to Twickenham, since London Bridge station decided to explode last night (or something). 3. Upon arrival, I shall be driven to a friend's wedding, which is taking place near York tomorrow afternoon - I've even bought a new suit and everything. Just a cheap one though, I don't like him that much. 4. Will then be spending Saturday in Manchester getting outrageously drunk with a former housemate from Jormany. 5. I'm meant to be popping up to Newcastle overnight on Sunday, but I have a feeling my parents will have to do without me as I'll be in intensive care for liver failure by then.

I don't mind this outcome. Reflects well on the strength in depth of the English league without giving anyone anything to crow about. *shrug*

"And here comes Steven GerraaaaAAAA*cums*" God this country's football media is pathetic.

"Don't forget, in the last two Champions League finals, the team that scored first... lost!" Gosh, really? TWO whole years of statistical proof. What could possibly go wrong?

Can you save some of that excrement for me to send to Sky? Once again, they fail to understand that "politely offering extended warranty protection at a price" is not the same thing as "disturbing me while I'm trying to work, launching into an unprompted 3-minute advertising spiel then asking me if I want to pay by credit or debit card, without telling me the price or bothering to ask if I actually want the product in the first place". Cocks.

They look like Salopets. Were you ski-ing or did that pass for everyday wear in the '70s? The only skiing Happy Face has ever done is with two puffs in a bed and him in the middle doing slalom.....waheea! With the 'Ski Sunday' theme tune playing in the background, I hope. Sounds like you know a bit about this sort of winter sport Well you've got to find something to pass the time when it's not watersports season.

They look like Salopets. Were you ski-ing or did that pass for everyday wear in the '70s? The only skiing Happy Face has ever done is with two puffs in a bed and him in the middle doing slalom.....waheea! With the 'Ski Sunday' theme tune playing in the background, I hope.

Spending time in Hamburg would have a corrupting influence on anyone.

I wouldn't mind Liverpool winning it if they hadn't already done so quite so recently.

Nah, it'd be 50 Cent by a mile.

Aye, I sort of imagined it like that Rene and Renatta video from the 80's. Or the Russ Abbot version of it anyway. Shepherd would have to play the Bella Emberg role, it's a match made in heaven.

Awesome work

They have awesome tapas and rioja on tap. It won't be.

I'm sure nufc.co.uk had something similar a few years back. The official club site asking people to tell them their rumours about club business for publication. Classy.

Patrokles clearly doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Poor Guam.