Meenzer

Devin Townsend/Ocean Machine - Biomech

Sorry to hear about your loss mate, but you're absolutely right in what you say above like.

From interviews from people who went... You have got to be fucking with me Aye, but do you go to the matches?

Sorry, that did come across a bit pompous. I generally ate like shit when I was a stoodent - if I had money then it'd be kebabs and chips, if I didn't (which was most of the time, particularly since I didn't get a loan, so entirely my own fault really) then it was £5 a week on Tesco Value bread, burgers, "margarine", etc. If I'd known then that you could get a week's worth of pasta, own-value-brand tuna, red onions, peppers, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, and so on... I mightn't have ended up such a bloater and had to spend the last few years slimming down again. Then again, it's a damn good feeling, so go team bloat.

Eat some fruit and veg. Seriously. You can have the best vitamin supplements in the world, eat chips with every meal and still die young.

Jake Thackray - Family Tree

Who?

Fuck 'em, they obviously have too much money in the first place.

Aye, about time we did something like this. No doubt the Mackems will compare it to them sending free tickets to schools mind.

Teaching. I know plenty of people who love it, but I know I'd just end up wanting to throttle the little bastards.

Happy bidet lads!

You can pretty much stop reading the piece right there. Why are otherwise rational people such idiots when it comes to Christmas?

The other way round though.

37 - no more, no less. But 24 in a built-up area.

I'm getting a sense of deja vu...

I was always confused because I thought thhe word should have been insaner. Little did I realise it was simple gobbledegook. Had myself thinking of other gobbledegook in song. What the fuck does "tek fly boss wok jam nitty gritty" mean? Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango Slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball

Nah. A bit too Itchski and Scratchski for my liking.

Oh right. That makes sense.

Smith didn't play right midfield though?

Can't be arsed to read the previous ten pages, but that was much better. Let's hope we build on it at the weekend.

Adequate

Honestly, you go away for a couple of hours... No, I'm not, erm, partnershipped. It feels like the sort of thing that Older Gays do. (Shut up. )

Police Question Canoe-dling Couple. Ey? Ey? Deceitful Couple Caught Out By Dodgy Insurance Scam (Also, Boating Pun)