Meenzer

The smiley-faced planes are particularly pleasing.

No need for you to labour in the shadow of that attention-hogger. Happy birthday!

TOM!!!! Last post by: Tom My head hurts.

Truly a legend in his own lunchtime. Happy birthday mate, and may all your hipflasks be filled with bizarre port-based concoctions until kingdom come.

The best thing what they did.

"So I says to her, I says..." is a total northern gran-ism. Don't knock it! Knock, says I! Ah well, my British gran's been dead for 15 years anyway, she probably won't mind. If you must, then...

"So I says to her, I says..." is a total northern gran-ism. Don't knock it!

Someone on the news used 'span' as the past tense of spin whilst talking about the Grand Prix on Sunday. It's 'spun' you thick twat, a span is measurement between two points. I think you can use "he span" or "he spun" (right?). It's definitely "he has spun" though. English, man. I'm amazed the world bothers trying to speak it sometimes.

Nah, 100% isn't enough any more. It's got to be at least 110% these days.

It's the abuse of tenses that gets me. "He's played the ball into me, the defender's missed it and I've buried it in the back of the net."

Aye, it's on. Nice one sir

Seems to be in the clear on Sky channel 423 too. Don't quote me though, they're on adverts so something might still go wrong.

Howay then, some of Mohammed Atta's old cell members must still be living round your way. Get on the case!

I wasn't and I didn't. Made some useful pocket money on Montenegro-Ireland though. First person to mention it at the Trent on Saturday gets a free G&T.

Andorra 1-1 Belarus with not long to go

I've bet against Ireland getting anything out of Montenegro, but that's all.

Randy Newman - Harps And Angels In which Newman turns into mid-70s Tom Waits, and Meenzer is happy.

Can one fella with no hair groom another? I didn't actually say who was grooming who either... So what you're saying is we're both after Matt's pies?

I was going to go for "Falls mainly on John Smeaton" but a) that's shit and I wasn't sure of the spelling... And 3 he lives in Glasgow. He never.

He was probably disgusted at the prospect of accepting money from someone who willingly lives in a city full of darkie criminals.

...that there'd be about ten European countries more corrupt than Turkey? Including the UK? Psst... I think you're misreading the table.

...that there'd be about ten European countries more corrupt than Turkey?

We churn out a load of shit music? Can't argue with that.

Turkish cunts, there can't be a more corrupt country in Europe than them and Greece. Ahmet Özgan's Kebab Hut at Istanbul Airport was the first airside franchise to realise that you could charge double or triple the High Street rate for a standard product to a captive audience. True story. And "corruption" derives from the Greek κορυπ, meaning "timeshare scheme".