Meenzer

sounds like a plan He's too young even for you.

Sounds Like Teen Spirit It's a genre that's been done to death of late, the "documentary about subgroup of kids with a weird interest" thing, and I freely admit that my Eurovision fetish makes me a far from unbiased observer - but this is just lovely. Equal parts funny, poignant, powerful and downright entertaining, I defy you to watch it without grudgingly admitting it's a canny flick. And it's on at the Tyneside later this month so you've no excuse. Be warned, though: you might end up wanting to adopt a camp-as-a-row-of-tents doe-eyed Cypriot boy.

Been there plenty of times. It's canny enough and you'll be in decent (misery-loves-)company.

Aye, the juries are back, so it's 50/50 between the telephone votes and the crusty old blokes in a darkened room... wait, that's most of the viewers too. You know what I mean though. Of course they haven't implemented 50/50 voting in the semi-finals, so all the evil easterners will get through to the final anyway.

Well I'm lost now. She's a lass, I can guarantee you that. How she chooses to make a spectacle of herself on here, however, is something over which I have regrettably little control.

Oh yes, oh yes indeed. It's that time of year again. Semi-finals on BBC3 on Tuesday and Thursday night, big final on Saturday night (with Norton instead of Wogan ), 8pm kick-off each time. We're being represented by a Leona Lewis wannabe singing an X Factor winner knock-off penned by Andrew Lloyd Webber. What could possibly go wrong? Meanwhile, this here piece of cheesy tat - folk mincing and all - is the hot favourite with bookies and fans alike, so it's probably doomed: There's Toontastic vested interests aplenty, with Bombadil's mates singing for Switzerland, while two old buddies of mine have co-written the Irish entry - or "borrowed bits from about five Miley Cyrus songs", if you're being cynical about it: All of this serves to cover up the fact that there's a distinct lack of continental sluttery this year, which is usually the only way I can tempt anyone on here to even contemplate watching the thing. Will Romania and Turkey do?

Toon

ballet

Rammstein

Get thee down the DLR to Greenwich and feel the parky goodness. (that's "parky", not "Parky")

toast

I keep telling Sam to tone that down when I let him out in public.

shop

wank

job

finger

BBC FOUR is my absolute favourite thing.

We saw it there too. Almost nobody there. Damn that place is weird. Chain restaurants packed with Razorlight fans.

Hot favourite.

Nah, Cath isn't on nights at the minute.

But haven't we just learned that disagreeing all the time is the sign of a healthy relationship? Evidently Toontastic and Fop should be arranging a civil partnership sometime around now.

Fuck, my hopes now rest on you actually having no taste! For one thing the baddie has almost no storyline or character development, which makes his menace (apart from having a massive ship) plasticky and unbelievable. The strongest part is the stuff that revolves around a young Spock. It's one of those films where if they had put the 'redundant' (on the cutting room floor) footage back in, would be much better for it. The narrative drive is unrelenting like a Star Wars but without the voodoo or mystery. I'll echo that. Good fun as a popcorn movie, but I expected better.

Away to see it tonight in the bowels of the Millennium Dome. First time I've been to the cinema since... god knows actually. Children Of Men or The Queen probably.