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A Mars Bar. Have you ever seen one?

I hear Rob knows a lovely little tapas bar by the marina.

The fact that Stevie insists on making this about "a moderator" rather than me says everything about his real agenda tbh. It's my fault that this whole thing started in the first place, so lay into me instead.

I'll hold off on the racial epithets.

If you put "H from Steps" into Wikipedia it redirects to his actual page.

Fuck's sake.

The first rule of the secret forum is: you do not talk about the secret forum. The second rule of the secret forum is: you do not talk about... no, wait, I got that wrong. The second rule is: no smoking.

Shall I toss you women a coin? Heads you go to the Crown near Tottenham Court Road Tails you go to Lyceum Tavern ? That's not such a bad idea.

No idea. Someone make a decision. And is Pud even online today?

Oh wah wah wah. Bunch of faggots.

I've always been a big fan of cricketball. Those helmets are just preposterously cute.

Oh noes! Someone has made an irony!

does it fuck Fuck off Mo, it does, it's not even our country any more. Perhaps you should find another one then. May I recommend the Costa Blanca?

Why is Jack supposedly such a popular name anyway? It's been top of the lists for years now and I'm still to meet one. Maybe the darkies are murdering all the Jacks so that Mohammed can be top.

Lazy foreigners. When I was freelancing in the 'Burg, I made a point of meeting a journo friend for lunch on a regular basis. She was fine company, but it was the subsidised meals - a main course for less than a euro, for god's sake - that really made it.

I'm listening to the A20 pouring its vehicular bile in the direction of Lewisham as I type this, so I have to ask: whyyyyyyyyyyy? (And where? I fancy a giggle.) It was has a Housing Association there on the high street, possibly the dullest weeks of my life. Glad to hear you've managed to partially escape that particularly fine part of the world. Likewise! I love central Lewisham though, it's a fine place to go and get your cheap fruit and veg and Primark goodies, just so long as you know you can escape afterwards...

I'm listening to the A20 pouring its vehicular bile in the direction of Lewisham as I type this, so I have to ask: whyyyyyyyyyyy? (And where? I fancy a giggle.)

Not that it's any consolation but I think that's an age thing I maintain it's a fucking twat thing.

OOH EEH OOH AHH AHH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG

God I hate everyone.

Wait, you weren't working there? Firstly, apologies for my sieve-like memory, and secondly, why the hell were you living there of all places? Mind you, if the alternative was Finsbury Park...

Never had you down as a muslim. Say that again and I'll put a fatwah on your head. I'm not Muslim but working in Saudi Arabia at the minute so have to observe Ramadan when in the office. Heading home tonight though. And I thought you were a bit exotic for working in Canary Wharf.

Oh no, absolutely. I don't mind the German approach at all, it's not like it stops white people from listening to it. Quite the opposite in fact. It's just a strange sensation when you ask someone what music they're into and they say "Bläck Music".

It's like being back at school. "No I'm not giving you dinner money, you can come back home and make yourself a sarnie instead." "But muuuuu-uuuuuum...."