Meenzer

They flew me out to Germany for our Christmas bash a couple of weeks back, which is nice. You can tell the downturn is biting though: two years ago we were in a "British colonial"-themed (?!) steakhouse in central Frankfurt. Last year we were in a traditional German restaurant in touristy Rüdesheim. This year? Wednesday night at the clubhouse restaurant of a rowing club in an industrial neighbourhood of the Main river. Pure class. Still, the boss was leching over all the girls and the muscled Russian boy intern, so he was happy for us to order bottle after bottle of wine and the occasional shot on his account. Went into the office the next day, sat around for an hour then decided to sack it off due to lack of brain capacity; ended up spending half an hour in a massage chair in a bland shopping centre in the middle of Offenbach. Result!

Mine was "Snooker Loopy". And like fuck are "kids" the primary market for any X Factor winner's single.

you can just put in last names I noticed that when I started typing Robert Lee only for it to register as Lauren Robert.

More synonym for sportsperson. And don't call me Shirley. "Sports sportsperson of the year"? Now that's just plain daft, Lucinda.

Doesnt fancy Cheryl Cole and insists he is straight. Well one of them is a fucking lie! Tbf what's he supposed to say? 'Yes, I do fancy the pants off my friend and mentor, who is married to a millionaire footballer. This will not make our working relationship in any way awkward'. "I'm 18, for fuck's sake. You work it out" would be a start. Well, any semblance of personality and autonomous thinking would be a start.

And that's without even having to put "Wearside" in the thread title.

See, that's the thing. I bought it because, after much consideration, I decided it's just a bit of a giggle. Like the Christmas number one should be. I'd rather it'd been, I dunno, the JCB Song or "Mad World" or Gordon Haskell or one of the other interlopers we've had in previous festive seasons, but anything that gets Simon Cowell riled enough to put on his lemon-sucking face and complain about how "unfair" it is that the X Factor isn't being allowed to steamroller its way to Christmas number one must have some merit to it. Even if it does just boil down to "fuck you I'll put money in your pockets whichever way I want to".

I bought it too, largely because I had a quid in my Amazon mp3 account, it only costs 29p there and I was spending 69p on a friend's new single at the same time, thereby helping to encourage ultra-indie grassroots music. Or something. I still feel a little unclean though.

Physical CD of the X Factor song isn't out yet though. As soon as housewives can shovel five copies into their trolley at the Tesco checkout, it's game over for the ol' packaged teen rebellion shebang.

It's "personality" as a synonym for "celebrity", shirley?

Fucking hell. Aye, that's humour for you. Whereas that is fucking hilarious.

Happy birthday Dexter!

Happy birthday Noelie!

Happy birthday Gemmill!

Getting a lot of lurve out of this as usual: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Songs-Christmas-Su...9092&sr=8-2

http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html

If he just needs to keep fit for the World Cup, surely any team will do.

Does the same go for the match? If it's the under-16s and your hands are under your dirty mac the whole time, then probably.

You could add half a dozen Eurovision songs too. But please don't.

Well exactly. It's a pre-election budget though, unworkable soundbite-ism is practically guaranteed.

Sent back to Poland and Lithuania via Western Union.

Bummers are deaf.

Absolutely fuck-all. Sit back, enjoy the ride, and have a good whisky ready to sup from a balcony while surveying the chaos when it all goes to hell.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/indianfoodmadeeasy/