Meenzer

Aye, he knows how to push people's buttons - it's what his entire career is based on. That said, I'm not saying the Cowell machine is ready to jump the shark just yet, but I do wonder if he's in the process of crossing a line here - there comes a point where playing the pantomime villain and the wounded victim won't wash even with the ditziest of spoonfed ITV viewers. The less said about Cheryl Cole and her attempts to win over the BRITTUN IS BEST plebs with her "campaign by an American band" comment, the better...

Hurrah and huzzah!

This is the sheer chaos as viewed from my window just now: .....uh-huh. Some friends are arriving into Gatwick tonight; what odds the place being crippled anyway?

Do amazon downloads definitely count towards the charts? They do. The 29p ones are something of a loss leader for them, but they definitely count.

Aye, it's like when you read about the classic North Korea - Italy game in 1966 then realise it took place in bloody Middlesbrough...

Of course it's ridiculous. That's what the Christmas number one should be, and that's what makes it so inspired. Whether the originators of the campaign realise it or not, they've stumbled across the greatest irony of the whole thing - what better way to send up a cover of a bland song by a manufactured singer than to encourage the purchase of a pseudo-anthem to rebellion backed by a massive corporate machine? It makes the fight a zero-sum game for the punter - choose your horse, ride with it and have your fun. It's Christmas time and there's no need to be uptight. Whichever track makes it to number 1, it won't be worse than the effort we got in 1993. Meatloaf was extremely pissed about it IIRC. My heart fucking bleeds for him. Like "I'd Do Anything For Love" would have been infinitely more credible than Take That or Mr. Blobby.

Of course it's ridiculous. That's what the Christmas number one should be, and that's what makes it so inspired. Whether the originators of the campaign realise it or not, they've stumbled across the greatest irony of the whole thing - what better way to send up a cover of a bland song by a manufactured singer than to encourage the purchase of a pseudo-anthem to rebellion backed by a massive corporate machine? It makes the fight a zero-sum game for the punter - choose your horse, ride with it and have your fun. It's Christmas time and there's no need to be uptight. Should've been 'Ernie - the Fastest Milkman in the West' tbh. I'd have bought that too. But it did need to be something with OMG REBELLION VALUE to have any hope of unseating an X Factor winner. Joe will walk away with it now the physical single's on sale, but - for all I'd rather a properly indie artist had benefited from the whole thing - at least people had a stab at upsetting the applecart. It's what we do as good and proper Brits.

Of course it's ridiculous. That's what the Christmas number one should be, and that's what makes it so inspired. Whether the originators of the campaign realise it or not, they've stumbled across the greatest irony of the whole thing - what better way to send up a cover of a bland song by a manufactured singer than to encourage the purchase of a pseudo-anthem to rebellion backed by a massive corporate machine? It makes the fight a zero-sum game for the punter - choose your horse, ride with it and have your fun. It's Christmas time and there's no need to be uptight.

As a gayer who spent his formative years moshing to RATM at the Mayfair, I feel thoroughly conflicted by both Happy Face and Ant's comments. Someone tell me what my opinion should be, dammit.

Album: Michael Jackson's "Bad" and Europe's "The Final Countdown", if you count knock-off tapes bought on holiday in the likes of Malta/Cyprus. Single: "Snooker Loopy" by Chas and Dave and the Matchroom mob (cough). I had the choice of everything in the "singles box" in Martins (now WHSmith) in the Gosforth shopping centre. It came down to a close fight between the Rockney boys and "King In A Catholic Style" by China Crisis. I'm not sure that my life would have turned out much better if I'd chosen the latter, but I'd certainly feel less guilty.

They flew me out to Germany for our Christmas bash a couple of weeks back, which is nice. You can tell the downturn is biting though: two years ago we were in a "British colonial"-themed (?!) steakhouse in central Frankfurt. Last year we were in a traditional German restaurant in touristy Rüdesheim. This year? Wednesday night at the clubhouse restaurant of a rowing club in an industrial neighbourhood of the Main river. Pure class. Still, the boss was leching over all the girls and the muscled Russian boy intern, so he was happy for us to order bottle after bottle of wine and the occasional shot on his account. Went into the office the next day, sat around for an hour then decided to sack it off due to lack of brain capacity; ended up spending half an hour in a massage chair in a bland shopping centre in the middle of Offenbach. Result!

Mine was "Snooker Loopy". And like fuck are "kids" the primary market for any X Factor winner's single.

you can just put in last names I noticed that when I started typing Robert Lee only for it to register as Lauren Robert.

More synonym for sportsperson. And don't call me Shirley. "Sports sportsperson of the year"? Now that's just plain daft, Lucinda.

Doesnt fancy Cheryl Cole and insists he is straight. Well one of them is a fucking lie! Tbf what's he supposed to say? 'Yes, I do fancy the pants off my friend and mentor, who is married to a millionaire footballer. This will not make our working relationship in any way awkward'. "I'm 18, for fuck's sake. You work it out" would be a start. Well, any semblance of personality and autonomous thinking would be a start.

And that's without even having to put "Wearside" in the thread title.

See, that's the thing. I bought it because, after much consideration, I decided it's just a bit of a giggle. Like the Christmas number one should be. I'd rather it'd been, I dunno, the JCB Song or "Mad World" or Gordon Haskell or one of the other interlopers we've had in previous festive seasons, but anything that gets Simon Cowell riled enough to put on his lemon-sucking face and complain about how "unfair" it is that the X Factor isn't being allowed to steamroller its way to Christmas number one must have some merit to it. Even if it does just boil down to "fuck you I'll put money in your pockets whichever way I want to".

I bought it too, largely because I had a quid in my Amazon mp3 account, it only costs 29p there and I was spending 69p on a friend's new single at the same time, thereby helping to encourage ultra-indie grassroots music. Or something. I still feel a little unclean though.

Physical CD of the X Factor song isn't out yet though. As soon as housewives can shovel five copies into their trolley at the Tesco checkout, it's game over for the ol' packaged teen rebellion shebang.

It's "personality" as a synonym for "celebrity", shirley?

Fucking hell. Aye, that's humour for you. Whereas that is fucking hilarious.

Happy birthday Dexter!

Happy birthday Noelie!