Meenzer

Are the Sunderland seats going to do their usual thing of racing to be first to declare? She might end up being the first MP in the new parliament.

It's not her man face that's the problem, it's her man bits.

And to think I did a pub quiz with you. Remind me never to enter any undertaking with you that involves facts ever again.

Will probably start with a couple of savoury ones - ham and grated mature cheddar sort of thing - then on to good old lemon juice and sugar.

How doth this thread fail? Let me count the ways...

Is that the one where Guido's keep their bitches in line? They'd like to think so, anyway. It's the myriad ways in which they utterly fail to do so that make it so riveting. I just heard Kevin Smith (he gets everywhere) talking about what an embarrassment it was to Jersey when he saw a trailer that showed one of the blokes punch one of the women full in the face. It does seem strange to give such low-lifes a platform. It'll be an ASBO only edition of Big Brother next. That was someone in a bar who did that to one of the cast members. But yeah, MTV had to quickly back down and remove the punch from both trailer and show. The whole thing should make you feel incredibly dirty for watching it, but for some reason it works (aided by playing the "every time they say Guido or Guidette" drinking game, admittedly). I'm sure it'd be beyond cringeworthy if there were a UK equivalent, but these people seem so utterly foreign at every level that it's easy to block out the fact that they actually exist.

Is that the one where Guido's keep their bitches in line? They'd like to think so, anyway. It's the myriad ways in which they utterly fail to do so that make it so riveting.

I was introduced to Jersey Shore at the weekend. It's quite something.

They've directed me to some kind of authorised repair place in North Lahndan, though obviously that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to repair it. Fingers crossed though. Cheers for that Craig, will take a look!

What's 'Wicked', Mr B? Or anyone else, for that matter. It's a musical. Supposed to be very good indeed. That it is (and I'm not normally into musicals unless they're depressing as sin à la Les Mis). You'd probably get more out of eating the curry. We've just got back from a weekend away in Hamburg and Berlin. We celebrated V-Day (ahem) in the latter city with friends of ours, a happily married couple who happen to be just as indifferent towards the occasion as us. So we spent the day pissing around at the kiddies' playground in Tiergarten in six inches of snow, followed by hot whiskies all round. I've sort of ended up getting him indoors a gift insofar as the thing I ordered off eBay (a Minardi bag to replace the one he had nicked from a pub the other week) arrived while we were away, but that's more a coincidence than anything else.

Thing is, there's no point in a warning system for someone like Stevie, he's a one-man walking warning in himself. Which is both the problem and the appeal of the bloke.

Vested interest much?

I propose we organise an open-top bus memorial along the 92/93 route. Crowds five-deep along Gosforth High Street. It's what he would have wanted.

His epitaph should be along those lines. He's sensitive about his weight though. And the turn-out too. "Buried on a cold rainy tuesday in February, the turn out from the family was unprecedented. Not since Great Uncle Patel was buried in 1976 have so many travelled for a mid-week burial" And it was on Sky as well. Corpse stayed at home because it was a bit chilly mind.

"Planning"

I did gather that, yes.

Is this some bizarre dairy product-based extension of the handkerchief code of which I'm unaware or something?

Sound advice that.

Oh and don't use sarcasm. Especially with "air quotes".

Be yourself. Unless you're an arsehole.

The local market's been swimming in butternut squash recently so I've been using that a lot. Roast some cubes of it with a couple of sliced red onions and some garlic, stir it through pasta with some creme fraiche or similar - easy as you like and dead nice. (Note to Ugly Mackems - cook the pasta first. )

Stick it in the blender, even if the bits are still crunchy at least they'll be smaller bits...

He's been banned? For quoting a bit of Auf Wiedersehen Pet?

Off to HH tomorrow as it happens, Parky (then Berlin from Saturday). I shall pass on your regards to Lange Reihe, I can tell you miss it like crazy.