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Kid Dynamite, Super Sleuth. Why are you so bothered?

That looks borderline radioactive. Mmm... borderline radioactive.

I'm not usually fussed when musicians shuffle off this mortal coil, least of all 80somethings who'd been battling cancer for some time - but I saw Charlie Louvin in Nashville last summer, still putting on a fine show despite his illness, so I reckon the fella at least deserves an RIP and a couple of clips here.

I've got a food processor but rarely use it for chopping stuff in that context because I haven't got a dishwasher, and extra washing-up is the last thing you need given the amount of stuff that tends to pile up when you're trying to get a meal done in 30 minutes.

In that case, here's my variant (i.e. 90% what Alex said in the first place): INGREDIENTS 500g mince One large onion, finely chopped Several cloves of garlic, crushed (depends how much you like really) Two peppers (any colour, though preferably one red and one green), chopped fairly finely -- Dash or two of soy sauce Dash or two of Worcester sauce Black pepper 2 tsp dried mixed herbs Couple of shakes of cinnamon Quarter to half a tsp chilli flakes 400g tin of chopped tomatoes + 500g carton of passata (but any combination is fine really) A few chopped up sun-dried tomatoes if you have them (or a squirt of tomato puree if not) Glass of red wine if you have it in (and if not, why not?) -- Handful of fresh basil, torn up (or a tsp or so of pesto) AND THEN... 1. Fry the mince, onions, garlic and peppers on a medium heat until the mince is nicely browned. Should be no need for oil, but add a squirt of olive oil if it's sticking. 2. Add all the herbs/spices etc. and stir, then add the tomatoes/passata/wine. 3. Simmer on a low heat for as long as possible, ideally at least an hour. Add a bit of water if it's getting too thick. 4. About 10 minutes before the end, stir in the basil (or pesto). Add more seasoning to taste. Serve as spag bol or chuck it in a lasagna in the configuration that pleases you the most.

I've adapted it slightly to actually include meat and that. Sacrilege tbh.

Working from home helps in my case, means I can do some of the shopping, prep etc. during the day and it breaks up the translation tedium.

If using any of them you need to add a tsp of sugar. Aye, makes sense. I'll tend to stir in a bit of crème fraîche or something if it won't ruin whatever it is I'm making, has the same offsetting effect. But as Alex says, it's not hard to make your own really, in fact I've got a lasagna in the oven as we speak using his patented pasta sauce recipe. Alex, PM CT asap tbh.

Jars of pasta sauce always taste strangely bitter to me, at least the tomato-based ones.

The bairn in that

Just heard Susperia's entry in the Norwegian Eurovision heats in full. I fear my prediction about a Nordic country sending a metal band is doomed to fail - the chorus is practically non-existent.

I'll say it again, tennis and Eurovision's where the money's at.

I reckon he might have a bit of trouble with Dolgopolov, but I'm not willing to nibble on an outright loss. There's 5/4 at Paddy Power for +3.5 sets in the match, which is a decent hedge. Might well put my money there. EDIT: 11/8 at bet365.

And I was just after a ratatouille recipe too. My hero.

She's German, she probably reckons you can solve it with herbal tea.

C'mon Leazes, I'm only one square away from a full house on my 70s Working Men's Club Comedian Bingo card here. Don't break the heart of a man in need!

Knew it was only a matter of time before that one turned up. Leazes never has been able to cope with the idea that some people on here actually like each other.

Too right. I prefer craic.

Was always going to happen. Labour losing the election will end up being the best thing that could have happened to them. Love the spin that the unexpected downturn is because of the weather, mind.

Toughguymick will tell you that Bread and The Liver birds are what it's all about and are much better than Ant and Dec and Cheryl Cole and Gazza. FYP

At what point does any of that lead to the conclusion that "middle-class people use humour to try and demonstrate their superiority"?