Meenzer

Ooooo deary me My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed I tell him he should get up cos it's nearly half past three He can't be bothered cos he's high on THC I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea I can't even see him cos the room is so smoky Don't understand how one can watch so much TV My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see Oooooo I only say it cos I care So please can you stop pulling my hair Now, now there's no need to swear Please don't despair my dear mon frere Ooooo Alfie get up it's a brand new day I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid Get off your lazy arse Alfie please use your brain Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid When all you do is stay and play on your computer games? Oh little brother please refrain from doing that I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap Please don't despair Please don't despair Mon frere

A minor exaggeration. My side of the borough is nice anyway, Stevie will disagree.

Bild are now claiming Mourinho's definitely off to Chelsea and he'll be buying Falcao when he gets there. Could be an open goal for an equaliser.

You know I have to roll it out for the occasion...

My arm hair goes ginger-ish if I'm in the sun too long. And my arm gets freckles instead of a tan. Starting to think I have Irish/Scottish genes but only in very specific parts of my body.

JLS are splitting up

Aye. Cancer is a cunt, and I think that's one use of the word we can all agree on.

I want a Philipp Lahm for Christmas.

It's just a few seconds while he's having his brekkie, y'know.

http://www.carpetright.co.uk/carpeting-england-infographic

Urgh, I really hope not. I think very highly of the man and would hate to have my preconceived notions squashed like that.

The Thatcher debate has a lot to answer for.

Couple of German journalists I trust are treating it as legit on Twitter, but obviously you never know.

Had a close encounter of the Eurovision kind while cheering on the marathon runners yesterday.

http://storify.com/suchosch/e-en-sko

Aw, boo, it's not. Stupid reality. http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:qp_GHPulZjUJ:https://twitter.com/FootyTube_+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

If this is the guy's real account, that's an impressive set of tweets: https://twitter.com/Dzhokhar_

FYP

FYP

I'm so Roonery

I'd find it a bit odd if we weren't, given the circumstances!