Meenzer

One plastered his shed in bacon, the oth...... ...... Oh.

Hang on, what were you stir-frying in before? Or was it you who didn't like stir-fries and similar? It so confusing.

There in they're too.

Wey I was to the Sunday Sun in the 90s, so I don't see why my nerdy predecessors should have been any different.

Hang on, how did I miss this? Top wumming.

Dipping my toes into the new Nine Inch Nails to see if Reznor's moved on at all since the late 90s. So far, so not.

New thread in General Chat: "Anyone ever emigrated to Italy?"

I always have 17-22 year old footballers on my mind. It's a triumph of sheer will and determination that I'm able to post about anything else.

Just because that was the age range that was being hailed the last time we had a "golden generation" hype, around 2001, and you tend to need a core of mature and internationally experienced pros to achieve on the global stage. Obviously future world-beaters like Glen Johnson, Aaron Lennon and James Milner were in the younger category at the time.

At least after the 5-1 against Germany you could point at the young players coming into the England setup and genuinely believe they might coalesce into a "golden generation", even if it wasn't to be. With the possible exception of Wilshere, who on earth is there in the 17-22 category now that might reasonably be the heart and soul of the team in nine years' time?

So it's actually nothing to do with moaning 50-year-olds as you suggested earlier, it's just you having a go at young people as usual. Glad we cleared that up.

Better? I thought you'd appreciate the one above anyway, it's served with the posh version of a buttered slice - a rustic hunk

I kind of liked the Angry Asparagus approach, but this is back to baby food.

We've had calls for a Mr. Janice Samuel (yes, "Mr.") for more than four years now. Like you say, some cold callers just cannot grasp the concept. Fortunately the only people who use our landline are the fella's family and they tend to call on Sunday night when they do, so the landline phone literally gets ignored the entire rest of the time. It's daft really.

Utterly broken. Had a good old friend over for the weekend and we did everything - from Shakespeare at the Globe and Spamalot to curry on Brick Lane and dim sum in Chinatown to Polish vodka bars and grotty late-night metal pubs to a day at the seaside in sunny Southend-on-Sea yesterday. Which was surprisingly good fun actually. There's still half a bottle of Absolut Mango in the freezer, my shoulders are aching from endless rounds of air hockey and whack-a-mole, and I'm about ready to curl up in bed and die. Oh and I'm on a train to Newcastle tomorrow morning.

I didn't have mushroom for manoeuvre.

Whereas I was like shiitake off a shovel.

That's because I'm a fun guy.

The breakfast of champignons.

Your carnival is Your carnival is Your carnival is inferior to Cologne's Yooooooour carnival is inferior to Cologne's

It's probably not much worse than what goes into "meat" sausages, especially the kind you get as part of a £2.99 breakfast.

And it's 96 against Mainz this weekend. Bring it on.