Meenzer

I had a glans at the menu, they really shaft you on the drinks.

I can't believe you actually went to Peckham. (Nothing wrong with Peckham, I just can't believe you went there.)

They say that to tempt you inside, then you read the menu and it's all:

A fine combination.

LINE-UPS- Southampton v Newcastle (15:00 GMT) Southampton: Boruc, Chambers, Fonte, Lovren, Shaw, Cork, Steven Davis, Ward-Prowse, Lallana, Rodriguez, Lambert. Subs: Schneiderlin, Ramirez, Do Prado, Gazzaniga, Hooiveld, Reed, Gallagher. Newcastle: Elliot, Yanga-Mbiwa, Williamson, Coloccini, Haidara, Tiote, Anita, Sissoko, Ben Arfa, Gouffran, Cisse. Subs: Santon, Gosling, De Jong, Shola Ameobi, Steven Taylor, Dummett, Alnwick. Referee: Andre Marriner (W Midlands)

So apparently there's a match on today. Try not to get too excited, everybody.

If you're cooking for me every night, I'll get used to the stubble rash.

Cauliflower cheese is the best way to eat cauliflower. With tons of melty cheese. And bacon. And more cheese on top. And hold the cauliflower.

at all of this

He's having to drink for two now when we go out, the poor lamb.

Oh god, I know exactly how this continues ("anyone tried making tagine pie?") and exactly how it ends ("couldn't find apricots so used boiled sweets").

More like "oh christ, cauliflower again?"

Ah yes. Less bad. Kind of.

"Wallpusher cunts" is what I remember it being.

He was a bit naughty, to be fair.

Shamrock Rovers?

Salmon with sautéed leeks and roast beetroot and sweet potato. Getting a weekly veg box is not only the most wanky middle-class thing ever, it's also hard work.

Talks about "Pardew" without introducing him by his full name. Must try harder. #poofreading

urgh!

Bob Dylan will be turning in his grave.

I

their always doing that